User:Shedtroll/Dave (channel)

“I'm in Heaven!”

~ Every Geek in Britain on Uncyclopedia

Dave is, by no doubt the best channel known to man started in the magical hidden valley behind the Hard Knock Pass near Boot, Cumbria in ancient times by the wizard Gandalf.

History

Merlin being talking to a crow.

In 1945, scientists working on the British radar project detected an unknown signal coming from Cumbria, the signal was decoded as some from of radio waves unknown at the time. They never found out exactly where the signal came from nor what exactly it was.

In 1955, a linguist named David Davidson recorded a sound recording of Andrew Sheppard the last fluent speaker of Cumberlandic, thought to be the first, and therefore oldest language in the British Isles. What he wanted recorded first was a poem that, on his grandfather's death bed, he promised to record. This is a transcript that was recorded.

“ Ni ørr øim ee yore

É G'Yar seef soilef Tétha Top Gear za QI za Téthen qa har.

”

“ In old times of yore

a great vision appeared. Showing Top Gear and QI and shows we love(ed)

”

These two events seemed totally separate until the year 1990, when developers in a project to create a way to send digital video and audio images found out they could pick up an unknown channel. They nick named the signal and the channel 'Dave' after one of the cleaners at the labs.

In the year 2005 Ofcom (the UK's version of the American FCC) certified it safe for general broadcast and released it to the public as a new channel.

It is still a mystery how they managed to get episodes of shows 4,000 years before they are actually recorded.

Shows on Dave

• QI: The only show that makes you smarter as you watch it.
• Top Gear: Three Alpha Males Smashing Million Dollar Cars.
• Mock the week: Also known as Frankie Boyle's laughter hour.
• Never mind the Buzzcocks: A gameshow involving flying Bee-Penis Hybrids.
• Argumental: A show about arguments. No it's not, yes it is, NO IT FUCKING WELL IS NOT...!
• Generic BBC 3 Sketch shows everyone has forgotten about.
• The Young ones: A sitcom in which four university students smash things with their heads, a possible forerunner to Jackass.

Idents

Dave's idents seem to involve a load of hip eccentrics frolicking around a country house, an image thought to be from a dimension similar, yet different to our own.

Nobody knows where the country house is or whether it exists in this world. The contenders in this world is thought to be either Wibbleton House on the Isle of Man or Niddrie castle (in ruins in this world) in Broxburn near Edinburgh, Scotland.

Problems faced in our understanding of physics

How shows were being shown 4,000 years ago is still mystery to science.

For one, it breaks the laws of science. Electro-magnetic and digital signals cannot travel through time.

For two, how did people 4,000 years ago develop technology to view (according to the seemingly ancient poem) a channel that could only be viewed with modern technology.

For three: Why is it so bloody good?