User:Shandon/UnBooks:The Hardy Boys: Taken From Behind
ADVENTURE! THRILLS! ANAL LEAKAGE!!
The Hardy Boys are on vacation in San Francisco when suddenly their relaxing trip is interrupted by a mystery involving counterfeit homosexuals, a ghostly lighthouse, and an attempted prison break!
CHAPTER ONE[edit | edit source]
The foghorn sounded loud and baritone as the two boys crouched and shivvered.
"Do you think he's gone?" one asked the other, in a whisper.
"Shhhh, Joe," the second boy answered. He looked around quickly but it was too dark and foggy to see anything.
"Frank." The other boy was tugging at his arm. "Frank."
"What?!" Frank turned towards his brother, and now they were both looking to one side of the lighthouse, towards the rocks. The beam swung around towards them, creating more shadows and glaring blindness.
"I think I see--over there--"
Suddenly there was a footfall behind them.
"Ah ha!" said a deep masculine voice, full of authority and menace. "Found you at last."
Another voice quipped up as they turned, one lispy and higher-pitched but still a man's: "Behind you."
The boys were caught.
CHAPTER TWO[edit | edit source]
"Why were you sneaking around the edge of the island?" the chief prison guard was asking Frank and Joe. His squat Filipino assistant hovered just behind.
"Yeah," seconded the short man with the lispy high drawl, "What were you up to?" His eyes twinkled with an eerie happy light.
The boys sat still in chairs with their rear ends firmly in their seats. They were prisoners but untied.
"Don't get up," Frank whispered to Joe.
"What's that?" the chief snapped, moving closer. "Don't give up? Give up what?"
The boys said nothing.
Finally the chief got mad. He threatened to beat them, he shook his fist and shouted. But still the boys told him nothing.
"Do you not know where you are? This is Alcatraz! Alcatraz! The worst prison EVER!! Maybe I should just release you into the local population. Yes. Do you know what those men would DO to you??"
Joe whimpered.
"Oh no," Frank cried quietly.
CHAPTER SEVEN[edit | edit source]
The Bird Man of Alcatraz looked at the two boys.
"I don't like boys," he told Frank and Joe, "I like birds." Several twittered at him from their cages not far above.
"Please, sir," Joe asked in his most pleading voice, "Can you help us get off of this horrible island?"
The Bird Man's head tilted to regard Joe with one eye.
"We're sorry we ever came," added Frank. The eye moved to him.
After a moment of considering, the man suddenly screamed:
"SHUT UP!!!!"
All the birds went silent.
"I got drunk on hooch last night," the Bird Man explained, "and I just can't take 'em today."
Joe, who was standing closer than Frank and trying to ignore the blast of alcohol-breath, frowned and nodded.
"There's a cave," announced the man to the boys' surprise. "Oh it's not for me. It's for a friend. I like it here."
Joe nodded again. Frank wondered where this new bit of information would cause them to end up.
"On the west side of the island," continued the Bird Man's admission. "Guards don't know it. Usually it's used for bringing things in. You'll find everything you need there."
CHAPTER SIXTEEN[edit | edit source]
Chet leaned out over the side to survey the waters of the Bay. In the green-blue deep he was startled to notice a disturbance, which rapidly became a knifing cut through the sea: and suddenly, to his horror, a three-foot high dorsal fin was cruising through the surface just beside their tiny boat.
"AAAAAAA!" he screamed, which brought Joe's and Frank's attention over.
"AAAAAAA!" they all screamed. A seal leapt out of the ocean a short distance in front of the quickly moving fin. Off went the shark and the seal, and soon both were leaping out of the water, diving, circling, doubling back: the seal, trying not to become the shark's next meal.
"Oh my goodness," said Chet. "Stupid seal."