User:Shabidoo/numbers

The "number" is a man made construction which has no inherant relationship to the physical world. It has no relationship to the spiritual world either. It does have a relationship to the mental world as numbers have feelings.

The history of simple numbers starts from Shepards counting a few sheep to Tribes counting little shells to Saudi Arabian sultans counting their children. None of these counting systems involve a zero as there would be no reason to count something if you had none of them.

The invention of the zero propelled numbers from an already abtract concept to a radio active mental hysteria. It is impossible to find one single object in your house that could not be possible without the digit zero (except for humans which don't count because you wouldn't count humans if there weren't any there).

The zero led to decimal places, negative numbers and abstract algebra. Imagine how diffiult it would be to measure the radius of your coffee mug without the digit zero, just how would you be able to have your morning brew without it?

Numbers are increasingly becoming more complicated as binary code is intrenched in all technology and as Korean students are becoming calculus masters at the age of seven. It is predicted that in two generations an adult Korean will be able to tell you the circumfrence of the moon simply by looking at it. The even might be able to control the moon by just imagining its density and mass to the nearest 100,000th of a milimetre. American's are clearly falling behind in math.

Counting sheep

While humans almost universally have ten fingers and thus always had a reference point to count upto 10, they never did so as a hand simply has 5 fingers each and one would only count them if they lost confidence in their ability to keep their fingers attached to the palms of their hands. Tribes would not count the amount of people in their tribe because the number was irrelevant to them. Their villages did not consist of 20 tribesmen and tibreswomen but instead comprised of: Umnmbo, Wa-owa-owa-we, Oo-wa-mnm-wo, Sheniqua, Wa-wa-wa, (click)-wa-(click),mmmka, kammm, rqewqewqew, xtn?n,ewçoóó, mne@t¬k'ñe?¡ etc. The number didn't matter as they new each other so intimately.

When nomadic tribes began to herd sheep the started to keep a rough tab on the amount they had, so that in the evening they could rest assured that they brought all their sheep to the camp. Without havnig fences the sheep often walked away slowly into the desert or the depressed ones walking into the sea, the nomads still liked counting and started giving the numbers names.

The big break through in both numbers and western civilization was when a shephard decided to mutilate or destroy his fellow shephards and keep all of the sheep for himself. Both property and patriarchy were born at that very moment. The numbers were first called mine, mine-mine, mine-mine-mine, mine-mine-mine-mine etc. and eventually come to have names with somewhat more diverse sounds. There is no turning back once natural numbers are invented.

The slave who created the '0'

The zero was invented when a greek mathemetician was asked by a slave how much money he would be given once he finished his servitude. The greek immediately lashed the boy for speaking without asking permission. He then proceeded to tell his slave that he would get nothing. It occured to him at that very moment that nothing was also a number. One number less than one. He immediately hugged his slave with joy. The two jumped up and down shouting eureka! The mathemetician then took the slave by the hand and threw him in the dungeon for jumping up and down without permission and he went to his study to create his treaty on the number 0. Within one generation the Parthenon, the Pyramids and grastic-intestinal plumbing was invented based on the trigonometry which needed zeros to make sense. Then followed the census, double ledger accounting and vote rigging.

Negative numbers and Fractions

Once money lendign became the vogue of the merchant class, one had to find a way to keep track of who owed who what. Negative numbers would do the trick and they were written with red ink instead of black ink or our modern - . The red ink was made from those who didn't pay their bills on time. Most people were rather terrified of negative numbers except money lenders and Kings. Fractions allowed Greeks to calculate the exact time it would take to go Island hopping, allowed Judeos to count the days until their Messiah was born and to help Romans divide eight slices of pizza among nine people.

Weird counting systems which will dissapear

The chinese had their own counting system using abacai (the pretentious plural of an abacus) and very bizzare decimal placements designed to make counting as complicated as their civil service. The Mayans also counted in a rather anti western way using 20 as their base, aparently also counting their dirty toes along with their fingers to count the rolling heads bouncing off the steps of their lovely pyramids with perfect 45º angles.

List of numbers

• 1

• 2

• 3

• 4

• 5

• 6

• 7

• 8

• 9

List of numbers alphabetically in English

• eight

• five

• four

• nine

• one

• six

• seven

• two

• three

List of numbers as seen by dislexic people

• 2

• 4

• 6

• Q

• 2

• 00

• XVII

• 2

• 2

• 2.2

The future of numbers

The next step after the zero, negative numbers, decimal places and binary code will probably be the invention of non-existant numbers. Nietsche and Sartre began their tretei (snobby plural for treaty) on the very topic but were condemned or sent to insane assylums for their looney rantings and ravings about things that don't exist and their awful personal heigeen.

Non-existant numbers will be used to plug all the wholes in string theory, the even bigger holes in the European common market and for the Americans to pretend their giant debt doesn't exist. Non existant numbers will probably be written as the following

Negative non existant numbers

Negative non-existant numbers are so theoretical that just one puff of breath will knock down the tower of conjecture and empirical dignity. A negative-non existant number is what you would refer to as the inverse of a double negative. While a double negative in english grammar results in an affirmative substantive noun phrase, a negative non-existant number results in loosing dozens of brain cells for every second you try to imagine them. If you meditate on them long enough you will reach an epiphany by loosing half your brain you could sit cross leged in a bliss full stupour while monks hand feel you carrot and apple purée.

List on negative non-existant numbers

• ☠

• ☠

• ☠

• ☠

• ☠

• ☠

• ☠

• ☠

• ☠

Time line of the history of number

• 100,000 B.C. Numbers do not exist.

• 5,0000 B.C. Cain murders his brother and counts his land and sheep. God is not pleased.

• 3,000 B.C. A slave creates the number zero to his own detriment.

• 2,999 B.C. Modern civilization is created along with philosophy, art and mass enslavement.

• 1952 A.D. The number pi is caltulated to over 1,000,000,000,000 digits providing no aplicable use to anyone though gaining a 100,000 dollar prize.

• 1965 A.D. Non-existant numbers are discovered by continental philosophers.

• 2009 A.D. Negative non-existant numbers are theorized brining enternal bliss to numerous monks.