User:Shabidoo/m
Mosques are buildings that house awesome toys. Muslims visit mosques often once a day or more and play with toys until they get bored and go home. Non-muslims like the toys in mosques so much they pretend to be muslim people. That way they can play with the toys. Even when they are in fact normal people who just find toys in mosques irresistible. The toys in Mosques must stay in mosques and can never leave. There is one exception and that is the holy rule book. The rule book can leave the mosque, be read outside and can serve any purpose such as reading material while sitting on the toilet. Mosque owners lock up all other toys making muslims spend sleepless nights missing their precious toy fun. The greatest toys inside a mosque are carpets, chandeliers, mosaic tiles, pillars and shoe racks. Decent mosques should have fountains and light switches. The best mosques have sound systems so Muslim people can play with the speakers and microphones. Children in these mosques, if they are good little muslims, can play with the sound cables and volume dials for five minutes each. Toys keep muslim people busy and content to their lives as the muslim people they are. More imaginative Muslim men find mosques limiting and play cowboys in rundown ghettos with discarded Russian technology. The most diehard hyperative muslim men don't bother with mosques and cowboys and Indians. They prefer to play with American airplanes.
The building[edit | edit source]
The buildings are all rather similar and cannot be compared to houses or business buildings. They all point towards a specific location on Earth which is called Mekka. This is where muslim toys were created and where the rule book was invented by the first muslim people. They usually have a very tall thin tower in a notably fallic shape where a man climbs up several times a day to call all of the children and grown men to come on over and play with some toys. There are often two floors, one that the men hang out on with the coolest toys and another floor where the women can watch down in weary jelousy.
The rule book[edit | edit source]
Unhappy with their Pagan rule books they invented their own. Being illiterate they simply drew squiggles all over pieces of paper and then scotch-taped it all together. Until this day no one can make any sense out of all of the squiggles and dots and so readers are expected to make up whatever they are pretending to read on the spot while using a gutteral and very angry sounding voice. If the reader doesn't even know Arabic they win more points. If the reader is deaf, mute and blind then they win the game.
Removing shoes[edit | edit source]
It is a myth that people take off their shoes when entering a mosque so that they don't get the carpets dirty. While it is true that carpets fare better with bare feet or socks touching them this is not the principle motivation. Muslims take off their shoes because they enjoy smelling each others fermented sock smell while they play games. For instance Ahmed Bakhtal likes to play with the pillars in his mosque in Somalia as does his friend Mohel Sawere. They enjoy playing with the pillars of their local mosque and they enjoy it so much smore when each other's fermented sock smell wafts around in the air.
Shiite vs Sunni Mosques[edit | edit source]
Some muslims prefer playing with sunni toys. These mosques have only one phallic tower where a man climbs up and calls sunni toys lovers to go play with their sunni toys. Shiite muslims on the other hand find one phallic tower far too demasculating and prefer buildings with two stiff and tall towers. Their toys are mostly the same in fact and they play with their toys in mostly the same way. In fact they could visit each others buildings and play with each other's toys and probably get along pretty well but they usually don't. One fun game in countries like Iraq is to play battle ship. The game is for Sunnis and Shiites to set each other's buildings on fire. The bonus is, once it's all over they get to build a whole new mosque which will hopefully contain new toys that can be played with until the next time their Mosque is destroyed by friendly rivals or surgical strike accidents.
Infidels[edit | edit source]
Non muslims are allowed to visit and even take pictures in some mosques but they are expressly forbiden to play with the toys. The toys are for muslim hands only and grave punishments are handed out to infidels who try to play with the toys. Such punishments include a time out while standing in the corner, not being allowed back in the mosque, an all night sleep over in a locked up concrete room with water and bread provided free of charge and for the luckiest, a once in a lifetime chance to have your head chopped off.
Etymology[edit | edit source]
Mosque in Arabic is Masqiye. The three consonant cluster of s-q-y means a place. The vowels i and e in position 2 and 3infers a singular definite inanimate noun. The prefix ma- implies that toys are inside. Thus Masqiye means a particular place where men play with fun things. The word was first used by Mohammed who often went to a cave to play with toys he fashioned from sand and camel saliva. During this play time he spoke with an imaginary man in his head who told him that all men should play with toys a lot. But that is not enough. There should be great rules to make games fabulously fun. For this a holy book should be written that would standardise the rules of toy play. And the imaginary voice in his head would dictate these rules.
Mo had his children play with some toys with the new set of rules and he found they worked very nicely. News about these great toys and holy rules spread. Even his 14 year old wives would play with the toys when no one was looking. Mo realised this and decided the rules about girls and toys needed some revising. Astonishingly...the very next day the imaginary man in his head dictated a new rule. If women play with toys it should be when the men are bored with them and only after supper is served and if their hymen has been ripped open after virginal sex.