User:Savethemooses/Doctor Squiggle and the Case of the Aborted Moose Fetus

<rcmurphy> Okay, I'm taking a break from all this sex.
<rcmurphy> Talk.
<rcmurphy> Sex talk.
=-= rcmurphy is now known as rcmurphyaway
<Savethemooses> and I'm taking a sex.
<Tayor|CheeringUp> aw
<SirSquiggle> *PHEW*
<Savethemooses> er
<Savethemooses> sex break
* SirSquiggle dodged a bullet.
<Savethemooses> broken sex talk
* Savethemooses gets preggers
* SirSquiggle punches Savethemooses in the stomach.
* Savethemooses poops out a baby
<SirSquiggle> SURPRISE ABORTION
<Savethemooses> thanks, Dr. Squiggles
<SirSquiggle> Any time.
<SirSquiggle> That'll be $11.
<SirSquiggle> You're not on socialized medicine here, you pinko.
* Savethemooses hands Dr. Squiggle two ones
* Savethemooses scoots
<SirSquiggle> WHAT
<SirSquiggle> THIS PAYMENT IS NOT SATISFACTORY.
<SirSquiggle> GUARDS!
<SirSquiggle> SEIZE THAT MOOSE!
*Savethemooses , free of his baby, is able to run away from squiggle's guards successfully
<Savethemooses> IRONY!!!!!!!!!!
<loathing> the moose !
<SirSquiggle> BLAST.
<SirSquiggle> HE WAS TOO QUICK.
<loathing> it's just a bloody moose, mate, it can't be too quick. just focus.
* SirSquiggle calls Kaiser Permanente.
<SirSquiggle> We have a situation here.
<SirSquiggle> SOMEONE DIDN'T PAY EXORBITANT PRICES FOR MEDICAL SERVICES.
<Savethemooses>  /Kaiser:/ WHAT!?
<SirSquiggle> I KNOW.
<SirSquiggle> THIS IS SERIOUS.
<Savethemooses>  /Who dares?/
<SirSquiggle> A MOOSE, SIR.
<Savethemooses>  /A moose?!?/
<SirSquiggle> THIS IS SO SERIOUS THAT I AM TYPING WITH ALL CAPS.
<Savethemooses>  /You aborted a moose baby?/
<SirSquiggle> YES SIR, A MOOSE BABY.
<Savethemooses>  /That violates three and a half federal laws./
<SirSquiggle> I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THE MOOSE WOULD PAY, SIR.
<Savethemooses>  /Aha./
<Savethemooses>  /In that case, good work./
<SirSquiggle> BUT HE DIDN'T.
<Savethemooses>  /WHAT?!
<SirSquiggle> THEREIN LIES OUR PROBLEM.
<Savethemooses>  /Who dares?/
<SirSquiggle> YOU FORGOT A SLASH, SIR.
<SirSquiggle> A MOOSE, SIR.
<SirSquiggle> I ALREADY SAID, SIR.
<Savethemooses>  /A moose?!?/
<SirSquiggle> ...
<SirSquiggle> WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS.
<Savethemooses>  /Did he pay?/
<SirSquiggle> NO
<SirSquiggle> WELL, HE UNDERPAID.
<Savethemooses>  /Well that violates three and a half federal laws!/
<SirSquiggle> THAT'S WHAT I SAID, SIR.
<SirSquiggle> BUT HE DIDN'T LISTEN.
<Savethemooses>  /Aha./
<SirSquiggle> HE JUST KEPT MOOSING AWAY.
<Savethemooses>  /Did you send the guards after him?/
<SirSquiggle> YES
<Savethemooses>  /Did they catch him?/
<SirSquiggle> BUT HE WAS TOO QUICK, SIR.
<SirSquiggle> NO SIR.
<Savethemooses>  /Too quick! Why?/
<SirSquiggle> HE WAS TOO QUICK.
<SirSquiggle> HE'S A MOOSE, SIR.
<Savethemooses>  /A moose?!?/
<SirSquiggle> THEY HAVE FOUR OR MORE LEGS.
<SirSquiggle> ...
<SirSquiggle> YES.
<SirSquiggle> A MOOSE.
<Savethemooses>  /I can't believe you aborted a moose baby, Dr. Squiggle./
<SirSquiggle> SIR.
<Savethemooses>  /You know how many federal laws that violates?/
<SirSquiggle> THREE AND A HALF, SIR.
<SirSquiggle> ABOUT YOUR MEMORY LOSS, SIR.
<Savethemooses>  /Is it three and a half?/
<SirSquiggle> I THINK WE NEED TO AMP UP YOUR DOSAGE.
<Savethemooses>  /Well, you're the doctor./
<SirSquiggle> LOOK, I CAN'T KEEP SCREAMING.
<SirSquiggle> INTO THIS PHONE.
<Savethemooses>  /I know, your voice seems raspy./
<SirSquiggle> POINT IS, I NEED YOU TO HELP CATCH A MOOSE THAT OWES YOU MONEY.
<Savethemooses>  /Damn! When did this happen?!?/
<SirSquiggle> ...
<SirSquiggle> THE MOOSE OWES YOU MONEY, SIR.
<SirSquiggle> NINE DOLLARS, TO BE EXACT.
<Savethemooses>  /AH! Nine dollars!?/
<SirSquiggle> AND HE REFUSES TO PAY.
<Savethemooses>  /Well we should send the guards after him, then!/
<SirSquiggle> ...
<SirSquiggle> .......
<SirSquiggle> GOODBYE, SIR.
* SirSquiggle hangs up.
<Savethemooses>  /Doctor? Hello?/
<Savethemooses>  /Must be my hearing.../
<SirSquiggle> Damn.
<loathing> i am actually laughing. i think i need to amp up my dosage, too.
<SirSquiggle> Well, I guess I have to catch this moose myself.
* Savethemooses prances outside Dr. Squiggle's window
* SirSquiggle puts on rubber gloves and galoshes.
<Savethemooses> HA HA!
<Savethemooses> TOO SLOW!
<SirSquiggle> THERE HE IS.
<SirSquiggle> THAT QUICK LITTLE MOOSE.
* Savethemooses does a moosey jig
<SirSquiggle> DAMN YOUR MOOSEY JIG.
<SirSquiggle> DAMN IT TO HELL!
* Savethemooses plays Yakkety Sax
* SirSquiggle gets a pitcfork and a stallion.
<Savethemooses> drat! A stallion!
<SirSquiggle> I'M COMING AFTER YA!
 * Savethemooses gets onto a moose-compatible stallion
<Savethemooses> Hi-ho, sliver!
<SirSquiggle>  /Stallion: Whinnney!/
<Savethemooses>  /Other stallion: Neigh!/
<SirSquiggle>  /There's another stallion?/
<Savethemooses>  /Yeah, the one I'm on./
<SirSquiggle>  /OH MY GOT THE MOOSE IS RIDING A STALLION./
<Savethemooses>  /Who are you, the Kaiser?/
<SirSquiggle>  /HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK./
<Savethemooses>  /JUST GO WITH IT/
 * Savethemooses rides into the forest!
<SirSquiggle>  /... OK./
<SirSquiggle> I'LL GET YOU MOOSE.
<SirSquiggle> COME BACK HERE.
<Savethemooses> giddyup!
<SirSquiggle> I HAVE A BISCUIT.
<Savethemooses> OOH, A BISCUIT!
<SirSquiggle> AND I WILL EXCHANGE IT WITH YOU.
<SirSquiggle> FOR NINE DOLLARS.
<SirSquiggle> PLUS TWO MORE FOR THE ACTUAL BISCUIT.
<Savethemooses>  /Moose's brain:/ You idiot, it's a trap!
<Savethemooses> No, I think this looks like a good deal.
<SirSquiggle> IT IS A GREAT DEAL.
<Savethemooses>  /He's trying to get you to pay the full price!/
<SirSquiggle> AND IT IS ODD THAT YOU ARE THINKING ALOUD LIKE THAT.
<Savethemooses>  But it's *biscuits!*
<SirSquiggle> ACTUALLY IT IS ONLY ONE BISCUIT.
<Savethemooses> Oh, right.
<SirSquiggle> NOT PLURAL.
<Savethemooses> But it's *biscuit!*
<Savethemooses>  /Really?/
<Savethemooses> REALLY!
<Savethemooses>  /Well shit, go for it then./
 * Savethemooses takes the deal
 * Savethemooses reaches his hoof out for a shake
<SirSquiggle> EXCELLENT.
<SirSquiggle> MUHAHAHA
<SirSquiggle> YOU FALLEN FOR MY TRAP.
 * SirSquiggle takes the money
<Savethemooses> NOOOO!!!
 * SirSquiggle clicks a button and a cage encages Savethemooses.
<SirSquiggle> MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 * Savethemooses is trapped!
<Savethemooses> YOU FIEND!
<SirSquiggle> I HAVE AT LONG LAST CAUGHT YOU.
<Savethemooses> YOU... YOU FIENDISH FIEND!
<SirSquiggle> THE LAST OF THE MOOSES.
<Savethemooses> YOU LURED ME WITH BISCUITS!
<SirSquiggle> YOUR KIND WILL NEVER BE SAVED NOW.
 * Savethemooses weeps
<SirSquiggle> AND I HAVE YOUR CHILD.
<SirSquiggle> STILL ALIVE AFTER BEING ABORTED.
 * SirSquiggle holds up a moose fetus.
<Savethemooses> It's a miracle of sorts!
<SirSquiggle>  /Moose fetus:/ SCRAAA
<Tayor|CheeringUp> too many caps!
 * SirSquiggle tones down the caps.
<Savethemooses> oh... that's my scraaa
<SirSquiggle> Wrong!
<Savethemooses> that's just how I sounded when I was an extrawombsical moose fetus
<SirSquiggle> It is my Scraaa now!
<Savethemooses> NOOOOO!
<SirSquiggle> I will raise it to not be a moose!
<Savethemooses> wait, I mean
<Savethemooses> noooooo
<SirSquiggle> Moosekind is doomed!
<Savethemooses> You mean... it will be a human moose?
<SirSquiggle> Noooooo?
<loathing> you mean
<SirSquiggle> Does that rhyme with "new"?
<loathing> it is the ANTIMOOSE ?!
<SirSquiggle> There are so many o's.
<SirSquiggle> NO
<loathing> THE ANTIMOOSE !!!!
<SirSquiggle> I WILL RAISE IT AS A GRAY SQUIRREL
<SirSquiggle> NOT A HUMAN.
<SirSquiggle> Muahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaaaaahahaha!
<Savethemooses> YOU MONSTER
<SirSquiggle> The mooses will never be saved!
<SirSquiggle> Now all I have to do is eliminate you.
* Savethemooses reaches into his moose pocket for a gun
<Savethemooses> *PHONE RINGS*
<SirSquiggle> But first, I will reveal my true identity!
=-= SirSquiggle is now known as Enslavethemooses
<Savethemooses> OMG
<Enslavethemooses> Muahahhahah!
<Savethemooses> hey, you gonna pick up the phone, enslavethemooses?
<Savethemooses> it's still ringing
<Enslavethemooses> Uh, sure.
<Savethemooses> I'll wait for you to kill me
 * Enslavethemooses picks up phone.
<Savethemooses>  /Hello, it's the Kaiser!/
<Enslavethemooses> Oh.
<Enslavethemooses> Hello.
<Savethemooses>  /How are you, doctor?/
<Enslavethemooses> What do you want?
<Enslavethemooses> Er, fine.
<Savethemooses>  /I have good news./
<Enslavethemooses> Oh?
<Savethemooses>  /I've figured out a way to capture that moose!/
<Enslavethemooses> ...
<Savethemooses>  /You see, lure it with a biscuit.../
<Enslavethemooses> I already caught the moose, sir.
<Enslavethemooses> It's fine.
<Enslavethemooses> I did that.
<Savethemooses>  /and then... wait, what?
<Enslavethemooses> I thought of it myself.
<Savethemooses>  /Really?/
<Enslavethemooses> Yeah.
<Enslavethemooses> I caught the moose.
<Savethemooses>  /Wow./
<Enslavethemooses> It is a brilliant plan, sir.
<Enslavethemooses> And I commend you for it.
<Savethemooses>  /Well, thank you./
<Enslavethemooses> But I already did it.
<Enslavethemooses> Yes.
<Savethemooses>  /Really?/
<Enslavethemooses> Enjoy your day.
<Savethemooses>  /When?/
<Enslavethemooses> ...
<Enslavethemooses> Just now.
<Enslavethemooses> Yes, really.
<Savethemooses>  /To whom?/
<Enslavethemooses> To whom?
<Savethemooses>  /Was there a moose involved?/
<Enslavethemooses> Yes.
<Savethemooses>  /A moose?!?/
<Enslavethemooses> But the situation is under control.
<Savethemooses>  /Oh. Well then./
<Enslavethemooses> The moose has been deactivated.
<Savethemooses>  /Good work./
<Enslavethemooses> Yes.
<Enslavethemooses> Good day, sir.
<Savethemooses>  /Good day./
<Savethemooses>  /Wait, I have an idea!/
<Enslavethemooses> ...
<Enslavethemooses> What.
<Savethemooses>  /You could lure the moose with biscuits, and.../
<Enslavethemooses> Sir, I did that already.
<Savethemooses>  /Really?/
<Enslavethemooses> That plan worked just fine.
<Enslavethemooses> YES.
<Enslavethemooses> YES.
<Enslavethemooses> FUCKING REALLY.
<Savethemooses>  /Oh. Good work./
<Savethemooses>  /Well, carry on.../
 * Savethemooses clears throat
<Enslavethemooses> I WILL.
<Savethemooses> um, are you gonna kill me or what?
<Enslavethemooses> YES
<Enslavethemooses> I AM.
<Savethemooses> well get on with it, then
<Enslavethemooses> But first I shall enslave you!
<Savethemooses> alright, cool.
 * Enslavethemooses puts some chains on Savethemooses.
 * Savethemooses is in chains
 * Enslavethemooses gives STM an axe.
<Enslavethemooses> Fetch me some timber.
<Savethemooses> oh, thanks
<Savethemooses> sure thing
 * Savethemooses goes to fetch some timber
<Savethemooses> wait a minute...
<Enslavethemooses> I will use the timber to burn you.
<Savethemooses> I have an axe.
<Enslavethemooses> It will be quite ironic.
<Savethemooses> And these are chains.
<Enslavethemooses> You will ensure your own demise.
<Enslavethemooses> WHAT
<Savethemooses> They're the only thing preventing me from escaping.
<Savethemooses> Hmmm...
<Enslavethemooses> No.
<Enslavethemooses> There's a cage.
<Enslavethemooses> The very same!
<Enslavethemooses> Muhahahahah!
 * Savethemooses hacks away at his chains!
 * Savethemooses hacks away at the cage!
<Enslavethemooses> NO
 * Savethemooses hacks away at the Doctor!
<Enslavethemooses> NOO
 * Savethemooses hacks and hacks and hacks
<TheLedBalloon> :O
<Enslavethemooses> NOOOgarblegarble
<Savethemooses> and so, the mean Dr. Squiggles died
 * Enslavethemooses dies.
=-= Enslavethemooses is now known as SirSquiggle
<Savethemooses> and Savethemooses saved his aborted-yet-living fetus
* SirSquiggle dies.
<Savethemooses> and mooses lived happily ever after
<Savethemooses> *THE END*
<SirSquiggle> SCRAAA
<TheLedBalloon> yaaaaay!
 * Savethemooses applauds
<Tayor|CheeringUp> haha
 * SirSquiggle applauds.
<loathing> jesus christ, i've seen some sick shit on my day, but...jesus christ.