User:Samcollins1234/Amalekites

Amalek is the title that is given to the head of the Reformed Pastafarian Church. His council of advisers are called the Amalekites. They started off as a small middle-eastern tribe about 400 BC. Initially they fought with their neighbours, but then, just over 2,000 years ago they turned away from their violent past and have been pacifists ever since. They have huge respect for Jewish people and support the state of Israel.

The Amalekites are not sure if they should be concerned or amused by Deuteronomy 25:19 which quotes the Lord as saying: you shall blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven. Do not forget.

Modern peace loving Amalekites are rather worried by a tiny fanatical minority who read and distribute books which claim that a supernatural being will reward people for slaughtering them. For example there is a little known text called Samuel Book 1, which, in Chapter 15, Verse 3, has:

Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy everything that belongs to them. 
Do not spare them; 
put to death men and women, children and infants, 
ox and sheep, camels and donkeys

The Amalekites are currently bringing legal proceedings against the publishers of a book of Psalms which in chapter 83 requests that people do Thou unto them as unto Midian... Who were destroyed at En-dor; they became as dung for the earth. The Amalekites claim that this is an incitement to hatred and it is blatantly encouraging ethnic cleansing.

There have been reports that a small group of fundamentalists have collected together lots of anti-Amalekite literature and that they are forcing innocent children to read it. Their aim is get the young to use their book as the basis of their rather strange morality. They have called the collection of books The Bible, which discusses the Amalekites and reasons for slaughtering them in Genesis, Exodus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Judges, Samuel Book 1, Samuel Book 2, Chronicles Book 1 and the Psalms.