User:RossAngus/Rainbow Six

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The film adaptation starred Daniel Day Lewis.
"Matthew" (right)
"Tom Clancy"

“How stupid can you be?”

~ Edsel Ate 'Em on Rainbow sex

So rang the cry in the high court in those heady days of the summer of 1979. The "Rainbow Six", or "Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six" were a group of suspected IRA terrorists detained by police during a series of raids in and around London between July 17th and August 5th, 1979. All were Irish and the police reported that they found traces of explosives in their living quarters. All six signed confessions which they later retracted.

However, the truth was far more sinister. In the following two years, a police enquiry upheld the validity of the evidence and it was not until 1992, when an independent enquiry found serious discrepancies in the evidence, that they were freed, with all charges dropped.

To preserve their anonymity, the Rainbow Six were given frankly ridiculous names.

In 1994, a film about their mistreatment at the hands of the police was made, starring Daniel Day Lewis. His moving performance, as "Zippy" earned him critical acclaim and an Oscar nomination.

  • "Zippy" was so badly beaten by the police, to extract his confession, that he was unable to speak properly ever again.
  • "George's" camp manner led to numerous homosexual encounters in jail, and he is still in therapy.
  • "Bungle" still has nightmares.
  • "Geoffrey" has found it impossible to work, since his release from prison.
  • "Matthew" was later convicted of interfering with animals. He is now in therapy.
  • Their so-called leader, "Tom Clancy" spends his days playing computer games. Doctors say he may never be normal again.

These men, who have shrunken suspiciously, now spend their days running around the computer screens of poor souls who have been strapped to a chair in front of a computer by Tom Clancy, in order to up his sales. The rainbow six have been cloned millions of times to keep up with these sales, but they are being slowly and steadily eliminated by Chuck Norris' evil twin Nuck Chorris. This is helping the millions who have accidentally played these games to overcome the trauma and terrorising nature of having to play them. Marcus Fenix announced publicly in front of everyone in 2009 that he is officially working for Rainbow Six. Police reports state that he is on steroids seeing as Bush said "Is um... that too smart too speak pubiliily. duhhhh." and marcus Fenix grabbed the microphone stand and ripped it off of where it was cemented down and threw it at Bush. Niow in jail he is working for the CIA as a Splinter Cell: Double Agent. They are called Rainbow Six for they dress up in colorful costumes during missions. However they are extremely skilled in combat that they took out all of the Spartans, which humiliated the Spartans because they have nice abs and Rainbow Six doesn't. Zippy originally wanted to interview and vie to be in Metal Gear Solid. However he was eaten up by Snake Eater which later on ate Snake and arose a need for a new character. Tom Clancy was extremely pissed off that he sent the remaining characters to destroy Metal Gear Solid. However MGS was so Solid that they used up all of their ammo, superpowers, hax and still could not lay a scratch. The Rainbow six crew could not do anything and retreated. Their morale became very low, and Tom Clancy resorted to forcing them into a mass orgy in order to raise their fighting spirit. However this actually resulted the team to become extremely horny homosexuals and they raped their enemies and have mass orgy during missions. Eventually Tom Clancy was so sexed up that he shoved Rogue Spear up his ass. This caused severe bleeding and he is believed to be unable to receive anal sex. However his victims claim that shoving of Rogue Spear up his ass actually widened it to the extent that he can have anal sex with the entire crew altogether at the same moment.

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A Mix of the novel written by Tom Clancy, and the British kids show