User:Reverse Genocide Cockatrices/Humour substitutes

What is a humour substitute? Simple. A humour substitute is what you use to make up for the fact that you aren't funny, and if you're lucky, nobody will ever notice. There's many kinds, when used properly, everyone will think that you're a funny dude. So next time you're writing an Uncyc article, or trying to pick up a girl at a bar by proving how witty you are, remember - you don't need to be funny. You just need to use a healthy helping of Humour Substitutes.

Random Insanity

Of course, when done right, random humour actually equates to actual humour. But doing it right requires knowledge of subtle touches, and knowing exactly when and where to use it. You need timing, you need a good subject - you need skill, and you need to put work into it. And work is hard. So why not just spout off a bunch of random gibberish and hope nobody notices? Hey, it's worked before. If you do this, everyone will think you're a cool guy and not at all stupid or weird. If you writing an uncyc article, be sure to use {{Bat Fuck Insane}} to show everyone how zany you are.

IN BED.

This section is unfunny.

In order to make sure the reader laughs, the suffix "In bed" has been added to the end of every sentence.

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You're delivering a dry, ordinary sentence in bed. It's just boring for you and everyone around you in bed. However, when interpreted a certain way, your sentence makes a fine sexual innuendo in bed. If you add "in bed" to the end of your sentence, it implies that what you spoke of earlier in fact applied to the act of lovemaking in the bedroom in bed. See, the "Humour" (or humour substitute) comes from the fact that a seemingly ordinary sentence can now be made funny by implying it relates to sex in bed. This does not make the user of in bed seem immature at all in bed.

F Bombs

Fucking swearing using swearwords like tits and cock and balls and shit and faggot and faggy and vagina and clitoris and clitbox and testiclebox and fuckclit and vaginashit are HARDOCRE WORDS that make it clear that YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING GODDAMN CLITBOX LITTLE BABY ANY MORE, but A MATURE FAGGOT WITH BALLS WHO CAN USE WORDS LIKE A BIG MAN. If nobody says FUCK SHIT TITS, it's G Rated shit for little kids. Clearly, this is because FUCK SHIT TITS are the kings of humour substitutes. Cunymints.

SHOCK

NOT SAFE FOR BRAIN The article you are looking at may not be brain safe! If your mind or personality notice this article, claim that it was spam and blame a virus. Otherwise, continue to read it until you spork out your own frontal lobes.

Shock value of certain things is funny due to the fact that you end up with a reaction from your audience. Because your audience is probsbly desensitized beyond all belief and has seen it all, just up the ante, and show them something abosolutely unbelievably shocking. The fact that you have possibly offended, traumatized, angered or shocked your audience is funny - to you. And really - aren't you the only person who matters at all, and everyone else worhtless pawns beneath you? Fuck yes that sentence is correct.

Ironic Humour substitution

So you can't think of anything other than these substitutes, eh? Well don't worry, you can still use them and disguise the fact that you're unfunny better than ever, if you make it appear you are using them IRONICALLY, in order to satirize the immaturity and unfunniness of those who use it. A subcategory of this is explaining the joke in order satirize those who explain the joke, making it unfunny on purpose, such as how this article is using only humour substitutes and no actual humour, and this whole article relies on this specific humour substitute you are reading about right now, making the humour substitution varied and layered.

DICKS LOL

LOL DICKS