User:Railcgun/HowTo:Get a 2400 on the SATs

It’s Friday. Your parents/guardians/God is compelling you to go to a good college so you can get a good job. Needless to say, you have to take the diabolical thing called the SAT. So, while pretending to be studying for this curse on humankind, you decide to goof off on Wikipedia by vandalizing articles. Suddenly, after getting banned for the umpteenth time, you get a great idea. Why don’t you try to study for the SAT on the internet? Needless to say, you go to a website trusted for its help in getting everybody a 2400. Uncyclopedia. If that’s who you are, this article is NOT for you.

This article is for those poor bastards whom forget that SATs are tomorrow and that suddenly are in a panic.

Here, we’re going to analyze each of the three sections. Verbal, Math, and Writing.

Verbal

Verbal is mostly a vocabulary idea. For instance.

Man, that chick is so _________ 

a) assiduous b)desultory c)lecherous d) boisterous e) slutty

You probably have no idea what 4 out of 5 of these words mean, so you’d obviously pick the one that you know, desultory.

Unfortunately, that is wrong.

If you decide to pick one that you don’t know, which ones sound more fitting? We can eliminate boisterous because it has the “boy” sound in it, and that chick isn’t a boy, unless you’re one of those futa-shota types.

Then, look at the context. Since it’s obviously an informal way of speaking, we can eliminate “slutty,” because that is a technical term used by people in the adult industry.

So now we’re down to assiduous and lecherous. We can probably figure that assiduous, because it has the word “ass” in it and since not all chicks have nice asses, is not a good answer. The answer is lecherous.

Now you try.

I swear to god, I’m going to kill the next motherfucker that ________ me off!

a) neophyte b) pisses c) knocks d) PENIS e) tells

Did you get e as your answer?

Math

Now that you’ve gotten a brief taste of verbal, here’s a math problem for you.

If a = 2 and b = 3, what is c x 4?

a)6 b) 2 c) 3 d) 4 e) 8

Now obviously, even if you’re an asian, you couldn’t answer this question. What if I gave you a hint, say…

4 is the square root of 16

Now do you see? The answer is, obviously, e.

You have to watch out for useless information in the problems.

If a = 1 and b = 2, what is 1+1?

a)2 b) 2 c) 2 d) 2 e) 11

See the useless information there?

Now here’s one with even more useless information.

Samantha, my sister, went to my room today and I began feeling her up as usual. Then she took off my pants and begin going all hardcore. I saw her boobs glistening in the dark and I was hard. Then we did it four times. FOUR TIMES! And our parents were in the other room! What is two times one? Dude, it was great. And then a penis popped out.

A)1 B) 2 C) 3 D) 4 E) 5

Now obviously, you’d want to ignore most of the beginning. Here’s the part that you should pay attention to.

 And then a penis popped out. 

Like, WTF?

Regardless, since you now know there were two penises, the answer MUST be B) 2.

Writing

Writing is Two Parts. Essay and Non-essay. We'll start with the essay first.

 "In The Year 2101, war was beginning."  Do you think that war was beginning in AD 2101?
Support your answer with evidence.