User:RabbiTechno/Goatsey

Nestling amongst the green and rolling Wiltshire hills, the tiny hamlet of Goatsey is all that an English village should be. The cosy cottages cluster around the village green where ducks dabble on the old mill pond, the tea shop sells sticky buns and Earl Grey (even in the afternoon - the village is popular with American tourists, who have little or no idea of the correct times to drink particular blends of tea) and the church, though in many ways unique and as such of great interest, is very much the archetype of a traditional rural parish church.

Village History

Sixteenth century map of Goatsey, showing the church and notable buildings.

Goatsey is recorded thus in the Domesday Book:

Reallye queite a tedious lyttle shytte-hole, wyth Verye Lyttle To Do. Ye natyves are with fewe exceptiones a curmudgeonly bunche, thoughe Ladyes of ye Paryshe are instructed to be on ye Looke-Outte for freshe bloode so thatte they may help to increase ye village's Gene Poole - and believe thou me, somme of them are Proper Slagges and welle uppe for itte. Ye church, though basycce, is worthe a looke for itte resembles a Cocke, 11lololol1!!1101. Seriously thoughe - unlesse thou fancieth a quick Shagge wyth a thycke-sette Bumpkin Maiden, itte is notte worthe bortheryinnge with. Ye Pubbe is shytte too, wyth a clientele formed onlye of inbredde Farme-Handes and violent chavves who wylle attack thou for havynge a Froggye Accentte. Goatsey = Epycce Faille, lulz, lulz.

The Church

The church is known as St. Bobs, Goatsey and is highly unusual in that it has identical twin Saxon towers, characterised by their circular plan, and a single nave - it's the only village church in England to have been constructed along such lines This has led to its many appearances in paintings over the centuries, most notably forming the inspiration for several works by art nouveau pioneer Aubrey Beardsley.