User:Private public/Nicholas II
Intro[edit | edit source]
Tsar Nicholas Retard Romanov was the last tsar of Russia. Below is the biography of his thankfully short life. His father, then-Tsar Alexander III said when Nicky was born "I think one day my son will be a retard". He was dead right.
Nicholas II was the last tsar of that Eastern European country which no one cares about. He was born on who knows when. He showed little interest in government as a tyke,which is all he used his brain cells for. In 1894,His father died. Nicholas married a German princess, Alexandra. They were distsntly related because their parents were grandchildren of Queen Victoria. Some say thats where the retardation came from
The Tsar chronicles[edit | edit source]
When he became Tsar of Russia,Nicholas was challenged by his own people who called for a constitution. Nicky, being the retard he was, said no. His wife gave birth to a son named Alexis,after having 4 Nickettes. Alexis earned the nickname "Retard Jr". Alexis was diagnosed with hemophilia. He bled every day for 6 years until they found out the doctors misdiagnosed him with retardation. Nicholas said "Well, he certainly didnt get it from me". His wife Alexandra commented, "Sure he didnt". When Alexis had hemophilia, Alexandra relied on the Russian version of Alan Rickman, known as Grigori Rasputin. He gave Alexis beer and he was drunk for 2 days.
The 1st Incest War[edit | edit source]
In 1914, Nicky said "wassup" to his cuz Wilhelm II of Deutschland. Willy decalred war on him 2 days later. Nicky mobilized 15 million men to fight in the 1st Incest War,since all the monarchs of Europe were related.In 1914, at the Battle of Tannenberg in East Prussia, the Tsar ordered the commanding general to send 400,000 thousand troops against the Germans. 70,000 died.People said that was the most retarded decision he ever made in his life. 8 million men died at the front and the people rioted. Looting hadnt been worse since France 100 years earlier. On something something 1917, Nicky did the only other good thing in his life and abdicated the throne. For the next year,he and his family went from place to place held by the Reds until they came to a place called Catherineville. In Moscow, A Bolshevik named Vladimir Lenin took over. Lenin said, "Now the Tsar is out of power and we are in charge. Lets party!" Almost half of Moscow's population died of alcohol poisoning.
Death[edit | edit source]
On something something 1918,Nicky and his family were brought down to take pics for Lenins Facebook. Instead they were shot. Their bodies burned and their ashes peed on. The Romanov dynasty, reduced to urine soaked shards of bone. Afterwards, The Russian Civil War started. The Allied Powers helped the Tsarists against the Reds. The Reds won. The Tsarists say it was because they had France on their side. For the next 70 years, Russia was ruled by the communists.