User:Parsat/Cotton gin

“How could such a simple invention alter American history in such a king sized way?”

~ Abraham Lincoln

Seriously, you could be knee deep in 100% cotton gin with one of these bad boys. Who needs turpentine flavored gin when you can have cotton gin?

Cotton gin is a spirit distilled from cotton bolls by a machine of the same name. It was invented and patented by Eli Whitney, and became an extremely popular drink in the South. Because it was exceedingly cheap and easy to make, it was the only alcoholic beverage that Negroes could drink, by the command of the white southerners.

History

Although an alcoholic spirit made from cotton had been made for thousands of years in Egypt and wherever the hell cotton was grown, it was extremely inefficient to make. In the South, it took one poor nigga a whole day to distill the heck out of one pound of bolls. Because cotton distillation was so labor-intensive, southerners preferred tobacco wine or rice vodka to make big cash. All this changed with the coming of Eli Whitney.

What happened

What spurred Eli to create the gin-making contraption is a story shrouded in mystery and filled with legend. However, based on the most historical analysis, the most likely story is that Eli was some prissy rich Yale kid who created the machine at the behest of his drunken mistress, Catherine Greene. After a couple of failed tries (one of which yielded the beer hat), he finally hit the spot with an ingenious machine that would revolutionize the South.