User:Oliphaunte/Elephantits

Patient Zero

Elephantits is the term for the medical condition of a person's frontal chest cavity slowly deforming itself into a nice pair of plump, elephant breasts, or elephant tits as some of you may call it. Although this sounds ridiculous, I can guarantee you it is not because I, am a doctor.

Ok, I'm not a doctor, but I do know a lot of information about medicine and human anatomy that could classify me as a doctor. I know more about doctor stuff than any of my friends, to the point I can annoy them with my endless knowledge! For example, did you know the human penis, contrary to popular, DOES in fact contain bones? In fact, it contains over 167 tiny bones that break every singly time you reach peak erection?

It's true! Just go have sex to prove it. You know that feeling you get fight as you reach the climax of the night? That 'orgasmy' feeling sometimes called an orgasm? That's the feeling of 167 tiny bones breaking in your penis and because of the quickness and high number of bones breaking, you feel immense pleasure rather than pain. You also may start crying after the sex, but this is just because your body is recovering from the fact you just broke all of your penile bones. Kinda interesting huh?

So now that I've proved my certification of being all-knowing about medicine, let me tell you more about Elephantits!

Origin

So far, research into the origins of Elephantits have been in conclusive. From what little is known about Elephantits, doctors and myself have so far concluded that it comes mainly from the genes of the mother. Depending on the severity of the gene, the females child can have a size A on the Victoria Secret's scale, to a size DD+. Any further sizes require immediate medical attention. If it is known that the mother has the gene for elephantits, there is a 88.86% chance that any female child will have it too. Fortunately for the family, the child can live a perfectly normal life up until teenage years, where the condition begins developing, forever ruining the life and back muscle stability for the young woman.

Signs and Symptoms

A classic case of Elephantits

Elephantits is a condition where the chest of person expands at an exponential rate, usually balancing out at a certain size depending on factors such as race, nutrition and other stuff. Very little is known about elephantits aside from certain information such as; It is more prevalent amongst women where the condition usually shows up in the early-to-late teens, young adulthood and typically right after giving birth to one or multiple children of human origin. The condition has also been known to occur in men, although studies have so far been inconclusive as to why.

Elephantits is an easily spottable condition as it is very difficult for females to cover up. Strangely enough, many females are willing to openly display their horrid chest growths in public, a clear sign of the delusion of beauty brought on by the elephantits. Many women will openly flaunt their enormous growths for unknown reasons. These characters can usually be seen in the cover of darkness, dressed in light clothing and frightening nearby drives with their hideous, outgrown chests. These women are outcasts, doomed for a life of hell and torment. Avoid them at all costs (They usually cost 200 a night, by the way, so to discourage you from them even more).

Unfortunately, many young women either lack the degenrative condition, or at least only have a mild form of it. These women usually have a cup size of less than B and have been known to live perfectly happy lives. For theunlucky women on the opposite end of the cup spectrum, shunning and alienation are the only reasonable courses of options to handle their growing numbers. Some people, who feel pity for these women have begun establishing area of rehabilitation and work known as 'brothels.' For a small fee, members of the public are allowed to enter the brothel and engage in conversation with these ladies. There have been suggestions that many of these ladies are taken advantage of sexually, but so far, evidence for that is lacking.

Prevention

The only known way to prevent the chances of having elephantits is to avoid

Treatment

Thanks to modern medical technology, patients with elephantits can now go their doctor and request a surgery to reduce the size of their outrageous chests. Unfortunately, there have been confirmed reports of patients being unable to correctly write down their request for a reduction and have sometimes instead asked for an enlargement of their elephantits. This dilemma acts as further evidence that the greater the chest size, the smaller the IQ of the person.

The first registered case of a successful surgery on elephantits was from he ancient female tribe the Amazonians.