User:Oink

Oink is the official Uncyclopedia user name of Growl Arfwoof, an alias for an ultra secretive executive manager of a multinational media corporation rumored to be in receivership though not yet founded. During his free time Oink is confidant, handsome, well groomed, and debonair, confidant, his suits all look great and go well with his panda tie, he's trim, handsome, clever, never at a loss for words, confidant, seldom constipated, handsome, handy, and is reasonably butch and not at all gay despite repeated completely unsolicited and rather exasperating entreaties, has beautiful brown eyes like dark gas station puddles bright with spectral refractions after a rainstorm, and posseses many more attributes that would be so nice by the fire, if you were a fine and elegantly eligable lady; he is a sincere and dedicated man whose integrity over the years has not been well established. Oink sincerely hopes this biographical sketch will be informative and form a decision making base for those considering learning to read.