User:Nikau/That Guy You Hate
 | This page is a work in progress |
Various growled obscenities | |
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| Nth Whatever of Wherever | |
| In office When that section of the community you hate voted for him.–Incumbent. | |
| Preceded by | Nostalgia |
| Succeeded by | Succeeded? His middle name is failure. His first name is failure in another language. His last name is also failure, just corrupted over the centuries to be failure-son or failure-smith or something. |
| Personal details | |
| Born |
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| Died |
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| Political party | Dedicated to raping the combined achievements of humanity over the last million years. |
| Spouse | Requires weekly surgery to even feign half a smile. |
| Children | Wet themselves with fright when he hugs them. |
| Signature |  |
That Guy You Hate is a guy very successful at doing those things that would make you hate a guy. So successful, in fact, that other guys have suggested he print enough posters, shake enough hands and kiss enough babies to be elected to a position of power that has a direct influence over the location you tolerate.
In the case you actually like those things he did for votes, he recently revealed he shook the babies, kissed the printers and relieved himself on a poster of that other guy you admire to an unhealthy degree. He announced this while sharing dinner with the public figure you despise, specifically ordering a well-done steak from that species you adore.
Yes, that's just how he is. He'll say and do anything to make you hate him, that wife of his who spends more than your annual salary on those objects you find frivolous, and those kids of his who will be getting a free ride through that place of tertiary education famed for those scandals that make you furious.
Early life in the locale you despise[edit | edit source]
That Guy You Hate was born into the family model you feel has the worst influence on a child's development, and he was raised as a believer or non-believer in the faith or non-faith you most associate with degeneracy, savagery, accountancy and other forms of inhumanity.
At school he excelled in the subjects you view with the most contempt, and the teacher he most credits with his success satisfies all your criteria for a man who looks like he'd sneak secret, tench-coat based cameras into a locker-room. He was granted a place at a college or university you used to think highly of; the place was obviously granted as a result of his being from that socioeconomic group you envy for constantly having it easy. Now any time you hear someone is from that college or university you have to interrogate them about the true grades of That Guy You Hate. And that's before you check them for secret, tench-coat based cameras, too.
At some point during his later education, That Guy You Hate engaged in some behavior that the media reports as being "hijinks" or "experimentation" or "not inhaling". You know for a fact the incident was closer to "high treason" or "vehicular pedophilia", however That Guy You Hate is obviously protected by that sector of the media you mistrust and they are deliberately keeping out of the spotlight that incident which was expunged from police records 30 years ago.
Early career in the position(s) you distrust[edit | edit source]
A young That Guy You Hate proudly served in that organization you hate and helped crush the dreams of the section of the community you most sympathize with. He was then promoted to a position representing the interests of the section of the community you most want to see die in a fire. There was a brief period where he flirted with the idea of joining a movement that you have a fondness for, however he quickly signed a pact with the mythical being that you view as the manifestation of evil, and he returned to taking the objects and/or services you view as necessities from the people that you view as innocent and/or persecuted.
Around this time, That Guy You Hate realized the lucrative nature of representing those ideologies you hate and set about on a campaign funded by those interest groups you find distinctly uninteresting. At this point your burning hate was only a passing dislike, however every speech featuring those cliches which make you roll your eyes pushed you closer to the edge. He started victimizing that group of people you see as an asset to the community. He began talking about adjusting those parts of the budget you see as beneficial. He even started suffocating his kin in iconography of the lifestyle you view as tacky.
The final straw might have been when the toddler-aged child of That Guy You Hate inhaled a handful of lapel-pins advocating a policy you view as catering to interest groups; the boy was rushed to hospital had half his organs replaced with a flag of that country you're a citizen of. The cable-news channel you joke about ran live coverage for 72 hours straight, and a camera in each of the boy's nostrils guaranteed That Guy You Hate victory by a margin that you couldn't believe.