User:Narf, the Wonder Puppy/UnBooks:YOU CAN SAVE THE WORLD
Ever feel like someone is watching you? Do you need a new shirt? Want to find out how you can live your life knowing that everything is wrong and you can't d anything about it, but trying gives you something to do? This might be the book for you. Every page is filled with "WTF DOS DAT MEEN" advice and unnoticeable quotes of past powers in disguise.
“The first time I read it, I was like, wow, I need to get a better job and move to some volcano in Hawaii, the second, I thought that maybe if I just started wearing a hat on top of my head, I might just be able to hide my hair so that people would think I'm bald. The third, I passed out in the tub, accidentally dropping the book in the tub, electrocuting both of us. Don't buy it.”
“It's not that the book was bad, it was just that it was too over-advertised. I got tired seeing the same page excerpt on every billboard I saw passing by on the car. I guess birds aren't the only things that poop on billboards.”
“Once I opened it, a wild stench came out and pummeled my nose in an disease-like manner. It didn't save the world.”
“I can't believe I sold this book even once, the only one interested in it was my dog, whom ate it. He died of AIDS the next day.”
“These are the types of books that love to surprise you with different twists and turns that make you gasp and say "I wonder what's for dinner."”
Introduction[edit | edit source]
Dear reader, After my many years on this world, I'm sure that I know what I'm doing with my life. After all, these are the rules you have to follow on if you want to save the world. Sometimes people think they can save the world by helping or saving different kinds of people with acts of random kindness. These ideas are wrong, as I've spent my entire life, days and nights of research, weeks and weeks of being trapped in a tiny room with nothing to eat but ipecac, and countless bites on my forehead from when I was a woman who decided to become a man, but the surgeon who made that possible was a strict Catholic, thus biting me on my forehead multiple times to teach me a lesson during the writing of this book. Trust me, my whole life and heart has gone into this book, thus making me creepy. Now that this book is finally finished, I shall be working on my new book after a short vacation to the center of the earth.
Your Friend,
Sal F. Binning
Chapter 1: Why Saving the World is a Good Thing[edit | edit source]
When I was little, I wasn't your average child. When my teacher was teaching us 2+2, I questioned thoroughly her methods of finding the answer. Her evidence was good, but I needed more. Thus, I sneaked into the School at night when I was supposed to be tucked away dreaming of sharks defending the earth from lollipops that have decided to revolutionize against human beings for licking them in inappropriate places. I broke into the school easily using my state of the art hands opening the unlocked door. It was eerily creepy, yet peaceful, without those nasty children mentioning grotesque things like "poop in a bucket". Unlike "poop in a bucket", there was a humming noise in my teacher's(who's name I will not mention for security reasons and for the fact that I forgot it so long ago) desk. I walked up, peeking into different classmates desks to see what I could find (Chelsea Hayrick wanted to sniff Brian Tanners ear, while Haslowfrow Jr.'s family owned a Fish Store.) until I got to the big desk. Her desk towered over ours like a small person towered over the other. That is to say, she sat in a same type desk as us. I carefully opened the desk...Peaked inside...Then I quickly closed it. What was that? I opened it again. Oh, it's just the class pet, Moose, the Monkey. He was sitting on something, like a trapped door. I had a feeling Snape has already been here. I removed his rotting corpse from the spot and opened it with my feet so I wouldn't leave any finger prints. Inside was a machine. I turned on the machine. It didn't start at first, but when it opened up, I could tell it was something speacial. That's why saving the world is a good thing.
Chapter 2:People Who Have Saved the World[edit | edit source]
The only way the world can be saved is by human. Dolphins can't save the world. Dodos can't save the world. But YOU can. One way you can accomplish this is by examining other peoples method of saving the world and finding out what they did wrong.
Martin Luther King Jr.[edit | edit source]
Martin Luther King Jr. was a man who taught many that race doesn't matter, presumably from the earlier studies of Abraham Lincoln. He was assassinated(Probably not accidentally) by James Earl Ray (Probably somebody who didn't like him.)
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"But if they saved the world, then why is it in need of saving?", you ask?
Because they all failed miserably.
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