User:My name is jonas/Crackaine
I love the Jonas Brothers. Man, they are hot shit. And they write such moving music, too! -Anybody on crackaine. Or any other drug, for that matter.
I wanna fuck a dog in the ass! -blink-182 on crackaine
Ooh, a virtual band! That sounds like a great idea! -Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett on crackaine. And they were right, too.
And I was like, 'Hey, doctor! Wipe that sweatball off your nose!' -Rosanna Rosannadanna on crackaine
You get the best of both worlds! -Miley Montana Cyrus on crack
Crackaine, German for "Hey I'm really high and feel sexually attracted to The Jonas Brothers," is a very powerful drug that is half real and half made up. It is believed to be used by The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Gorillaz, Blur and Michael Jackson. It is made from paperclips, little boys, crack and cocaine. It is illegal in most places, but you are allowed to smork (yes, SMORK) it in Canada where anybody can do anything. Its effects are similar to LSD, except you get way fucking higher while smorking (yes, you heard me. SMORKING) crackaine. Crackaine was legal in the US and Europe, but in 19/2000 Al Gore decided that it was making the citizens of everywhere just too damn happy. So he got Barney the dinosaur to make people stop. He couldn't stop Canada, though. Canada is INVINCIBLE. It is possible to find crackaine in clovers located in Long Lake New York, but only to people belonging to the elite society of the Homey Dog Muffin group. It will cause them to see magical ice-cream elves.
Effects[edit | edit source]
Crackaine has many effects, some pleasurable, some unbearably annoying, some just fucking insane. These varying effects include but are by no means limited to: Seeing with your nose, feeling sexually attracted to The Jonas Brothers, thinking that Nat Wolff is "SUPAHAWTOMGBJWTFLSDBBQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCKTHENONBELIEVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!", thinking that a pencil looks tasty and attempting to eat it, voting Republican, seeing magical rainbows on your living room wall, being invincible to weed killer, tofu, Michael Jackson and people with blue hair, thinking your pet cat looks like a delicious muffin, watching Lana Turner movies while crying on the floor because you think the couch is plotting against you, understanding any music written in 1969, seeing Elvis, floating in a clear pond with John Lennon singing Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds, watching two sluts speak Russian to each other and understanding everything they're saying, and last but not least...HALLUCINATIONS OF ANY KIND.
Why Some People Use Crackaine[edit | edit source]
We all know that crackaine can make you feel out-FUCKING-rageous, but is there really any other reason people use it? Most musicians use it to make their music videos/songs way trippier than anything should ever be ever. For example, Gorillaz used crackaine to make their awesome/weird/political/fucking brilliant song, Feel Good Inc. giving them the idea of a floating windmill. The Beatles used crackaine in many of their songs. I would name them but I know that you don't have the time and I don't have the energy to do this.
How To Tell If Someone You Know Is On Crackaine[edit | edit source]
Symptoms: • They are hyperventilating more than breathing. • They keep insisting that there are unicorns dancing on the walls. • They have a seizure. • They listen to Pink Floyd and periodically shout "Eureka!" • They claim that your hair is turning purpleblueyellowapplesause. • Their forehead feels like it's been cooking in a oven for several hours.
How To Tell If You Are On Crackaine[edit | edit source]
All of the above, in second person.
Lies People On Crackaine Foolishly Believe[edit | edit source]
Sometime when you are on crackaine, you are tricked easily into believing lies, no matter how incredibly stupid. Some examples of these lies are most usually: That blink-182 writes classical/rap music, that all emos are just going through a phase, everything posted on unencyclopedia.com, that he world is very sexy, that Paula didn't cheat and Murdoc was really 2D in a Murdoc suit (ew), that mushrooms float in the sky, and many other stupid things. Here is a conversation that you may have if you are high on crackaine. (Doorbell rings) You on crackaine: Who iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis it? Person at door: Candygram (Jaws music). You: Eh, I dinnent order no candygram. Door guy: Pizza guy. You: Pizza! Meh likey! (Opens door) LANDSHARK!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAUHHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!