User:Mr. Soot Gremlin/The Soot Empire
Aloha, future slave!
You have shown at least mild interest in working alongside me and my fellow Gremlins in my overtly successful Soot Empire! We are the ones who control anything awesome. Working for us can cause bountiful pleasure and magikal happy things to happen. But working for this thing is not for the faint of heart. LITERALLY. Get your drunk doctor to examine your health before enrolling. Now please take time to read about me wonderful Soot Brotherhood.
Who are We?[edit | edit source]
The Soot Empire! We're more popular than even your mom. This brotherhood is built on the platonic unity of our members, which propels us to continue our ongoing mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out... ah, shit! Fucking Star Trek!
But seriously, if you're looking to be a part of this thing, simply know that you must be passionate about all things soot. We don't appreciate it when people say that soot is bad. They are known as retards, and should be shot on sight. Soot is wonderful, and it is our job to protect its integrity. Hell yeah.
We also worship our leader, as you will shortly read...
Our Glourious Leader![edit | edit source]
Our wonderful, amazing, astounding, brilliant, awesome, devilish, sleek, smooth, new, fresh, zombie-eating, BADASS MOTHERFUCKER!!, incredible, insane, kitten-loving, nice, kind, loving, beautiful, wonderful, [insert adjective here], all out great and powerful leader is none other than the fucking Totoro. He currently has no Uncyclopedia page. Shame on you, Uncyclopedia. Even Wikipedia has a page for him! GET WITH IT!
This guy will screw you up faster than a heroin speedball.