User:MaXDeAtH/Guitar Hero: Legend Of Hawkings

Guitar Hero: Legend Of Hawkings

Guitar Hero: Legend Of Hawkings is just another installment in the guitar hero game series,in just the same as it's previous counterparts is a quick way for Activision to make a buck. Like the other Guitar Hero games in the franchise it uses a guitar shaped plastic controller but unlike the other games which have adaptable controllers such as the Les Paul and X-plorer, GH:LOH was released with it's own unique guitar controller which only featured one fret button and no whammy or strum bar. The game was only made for disabled people or for those who sucked so much ass in previous installments that they could only complete slow ride on medium, and play hit me with your best shot on easy and only manage to get a three star rating. So if your in a wheelchair, blind, deaf, parapalegic, black, or in a coma then it is reccomended that you purchase this game and prepare for the absoloute thrill of your life. Rumour has it that the only other virtual activity as fun as playing this game is watching people chop yews in edgeville on runescape.

Changes

The game very simular to the others has a fret board and sheres which race towards the bottom of the screen as you must rock out on your plastic guitar and use amazing timing to hit the notes with the slight variation that GH:LOH only has a green button and no whammy or strum bar, to make playing the game more easier for the retarded or disabled fans of Guitar Hero or those who think playing Through The Fire And The Flames on begginer is an achievement and worth video taping for youtube.

The game has 13 Tracks and a measily 2 bonus tracks; including the Cool Beans rap from Hot Rod. 80 Percent of the songs in GH:LOH have had the guitar taken out of them to make them easier to play, leaving the only element of possible losing is to press the buttons where there arn't any notes and considering there arn't any notes, it would result in taking your on screen rock bar down a very small amount, which makes it even possible to play for those who literally have seizures on the green button. Every song on GH:LOH has the audio changed so that the singing is transverted into microsoft sam from control pannel on a windows 98, this arangement was made as a request from Steven Hawkings himself so that he could feel as if he was actually singing the songs as he played.

Star power is back, and this time hitting any note in the song will instantly activate star power which will last for 10-20 seconds. Any additional notes hit whilst playing the song will build up your star power and make it last an extra 10-20 seconds longer for every note hit. ( by hitting roughly 10 notes, you will have collected enough star power to last you to the end of the song )

Battle Button This button simply activates a battle attack when engaged in a head to head batttle. ( see New And Improved Battle: below )

Game Difficulties

Clinically Dead This difficulty is often used by black kids, people who are currently in a coma or people who have just had died after having a seizure on the floor and choking on a piece of carrot cake after tripping over their own socks which they've just taken off to chew on for no apparent reason other then to feel inportant about themselves.

Intelectually Broken This difficulty is usually far too hard for most retards and Spastics as it actually involves using the controller to play and not just watching the screen. Usually players who manage to get through this difficulty are rewarded with a bowl of special-K and an action figure from Mc donalds from their caretaker.

Almost Begginer This difficulty is about half as hard as playing slow ride on begginer and has retards frantically using all their guitar hero techniques to be able to finish a song on this epic level. It is not likely anybody who isn't a normal person, (yes i said normal person, have you been insulted?) has passed this difficulty before although it has been rumoured that in may 3rd 2008 a 21 year old no legged man from the south boarders of africa was able to finish a song in this difficulty once, although the rumours were immediatly shot down after it was agreed on that africa was too poor a country to be able to purchase the game.

'Begginer' As seen in previous Guitar Hero games, begginer has been brang back, just slightly changed to a more easier standard of play. No one in history of unsound mind has been recorded or known to have finished a song in this setting as it involves presing the button at an astounding 5 beats per minute (BPM) which is far to complex for anybody with an IQ of less then 6 to be able to play. This difficulty has been known to have killed a total of 80% of the people who have tried to play it ( 9 people ) due to epileptic siezures. It is rumoured that when Steven Hawkings isn't making up bullshit theories of time space continuems and black holes he sit's in the basement of the batcave and practises for hours on end, he claims to have almost come close to getting 23 % through slow ride.

Gameplay

GH:LOH has the same set of gameplay levels only slightly modified plus a whole range of new and excting gameplay to test your skills and capabilties!

Career Mode

Career is the main part of the game just the same as the other installments of guitar hero, except has a much more unique and kick ass sotry line. You play through the life of steven hawkings, playing at all the known venues such as,

New and improved battle:

Battle has never been more exciting in this installment of Guitar Hero. Just as before, two opponents rock out on their guitars, head to head using a whole pile of battle attacks to wipe out their opponent, some of these attacks have been changed slightly.

Retro Attacks

Broken String Use this attack to break one of your opponents strings, it is defaulted to cutting the opponents green button considering that is the only button the game has. The button on the guitar controller won't work untill they fix it by pressing the button one time causing it to repair itself, this is known to be the best attack in the game and usually brings victory for anyone who uses it.

Difficulty Up Considering the fact that virtually aybody with an IQ higher then 10 wouldn't buy this game and anyone with an IQ lower then 10 wouldn't be able to play any difficulty higher then the first one ( Clinacally Dead, see difficulties above ) using the "Difficulty Up" attack leaves your opponent win proof and brings the user of the attack the mild accomplishment they need to feel good about themselves momentarily hopefully letting them forget about the fact that theyr'e retarded.

Amp Overload This attack causes the scrolling fret board on your opponents screen to shake and blur, hopefully putting your opponent into an epileptic fit, hence making it hard for them to hit notes. Note: This attack is generally suicide considering it leaves you both open for chance of having an eplieptic siezure, so before using this attack make sure your rock bar is higher than your foes.

Whammy Bar This attack was bought back with incredible ignorance, the attack ( just like in previous games ) forces your opponent to move the whammy bar fast before they can play notes again. Due to the fact that the game does not have a whammy bar, (and the dickhead who made this game being a retard, included this attack in the set battle list)your opponent may find it a pretty tricky situation to get out of.

Power-Up Steal This attack steals your opponents attack before they can use it. If they don't have one to steal and you activate this power you'll lose it. Because this game is only bought and played by the brain impaired they are known to instantly bash the attack button as soon as they recieve the power up, usually causing it to do nothing.

Double Notes Deploying this attack forced your opponent to double up on how many notes they have to play. Note: May cause epileptic seizures

The Lefty/Righty Flip The left/righty flip attack swaps the note chart around opposite to how your opponent would normally play the game. Considering the game consists of one button which most players usually press as they do their Microsoft Sam Speaker button on their retarded transport device, left/righty flip only places the green sheres on the right side of the screen instead of the left, and due to the people who play this game not having any kind of intelectual capacity whatsoever, this attack usually confuses the hell out of them and they freak out and sometimes die hopelessly on the floor in a puddle of their own vomit and urine.

Death Drain In sudden death, the death drain power-up will drain your opponents rock meter. Nuff said.

New Attacks

The Red Button This attack ups the hardness on your opponents fret board by adding a red sphere to their scrolling note chart. Because the controller only has a green button this attack is rather effective.

Samuel L Jackson This attack causes the opponents fret buttons to be replaced with samuel L jackson, this strikes fear into the opponent daring not to hit the notes. It was rumoured that one player was game enough to continue hitting notes whilst currently having the samuel L jackson attack deployed on them, they mysteriously had vanished the next morning and were later found carved up with a Hb pencil and left on a house boat in the middle of the attlantic ocean.

Easy This is the only way to ever see this difficulty in GH:LOH, very simular to Difficulty-Up but much more advanced and powrfull. Instantly takes the players difficulty setting and sets it on the easy difficulty. This means instant defeat for any player who get's it played on them.

Chuck Norris This attack causes chuck norris to climb out of the disc tray of the console, walk up to your opponent and round house kick them right in the throat, Rumour has it this attack is rather effective.

---

Note: Because getting battle attacks invovles getting a streak of 6 or more notes in a row, nobody who plays this game is capable to complete such a difficult task therefore the Battle Attacks part of Battling doesn't actually apply to the game

---

Accessories Shop

GH:LOH has an in game shop ( just like in previous games ) in which you can purchase all kinds of unique bonus songs, accessories, Characters, and other extra content using in game money.

---

Bonus Song - Cool Beans Rap - From the movie hot rod -2007 - $1237

Bonus Song - I Gotta Go My Own Way - High School Musical 2 - 2007 - $2000

Bonus Character - Zombie Michael Jackson - $3290 - Buy this character to be able to rock out on stage as Michael Jacksons rotting corpse, comes complete with plastic nose and logic defying moon walk.

Bonus Character - Steven Hawkings - $4500 - That's right, you can play as the man himself, comes complete with discusting facial expressions and 100% garenteed unworking legs.

Bonus Character - Cheap whore - $1 - Affordable, what more to say?

Bonus Character - George Bush - $2540 - A game revolving around IQ-less people, who else better to co-star in it other than George Bush?

Accessory - Wheel Chair - $3800 - The Wheel Chair slows the game down making it even easier then it already is

Accessory - Pair of Legs - $2750 - This accessory is mostly useless and is just for taunting.

Accessory - Prostate Canca - $1200 - Prostate Canca can be used in battle mode to drain your opponents rock meter, slowly bringing them to wither and die.

Bonus Content - Viedo1 - $5000 - This bonus clip features Steven Hawkings at his very first rock concert singing along on stage to Miley Cyrus, He was immediately booed off stage and then had his crotch set on fire by screaming fan girls.

Bonus Content - Video2 - $3000 - This bonus clip is actually evidentual proof of ozzie ozzborn chewing off a bats head, brutal stuff.