User:LittlePinkSock/Under The Bed

Weight loss.

The eternal struggle for every female. We would love to look fit, healthy and successful in stead of obese, poor skinned and depressed pound porks. The fat pigs who don't fit in anything but sweatpants stretched to the breaking point to cover up those rolls, the pudgy tummy that makes strangers congratulate you for being pregnant and those ankles that wouldn't be called graceful even compared to a beer barrel.

Media makes us believe it's okay to be curvy, it's okay to be normal weight, but we all know the truth. We are on the heavy side of what is considered “okay”.

(Image - Hawt, curvy female, one of those sexy ones to draw any man's attention, and any female's jealous stares, maybe Whitney Thompson) Those stares you get on the streets aren't admiration. They look at you, and look away in disgust. If you think anything else, you're delirious.

Means to lose weight

Exercise

The absolutely most efficient, but also the most gruelling and most avoided method for losing weight is of course, working out to burn those calories. But for every stray calorie you sweat out, there are bound to be several triple chocolate Texan muffins tempting you with their existence at home where your loving spouse has been cooking with the kids. This method for losing weight is pure torture.

Slim Pills

The various kinds of pills that block your metabolism from absorbing the necessary calories for your body to work cause miraculous weight loss. The small print, which no-one naturally reads anyway also mentions imminent heart, liver and kidney failure as potential results of extended (over two days) use of the substances these miracle pills are made of.

“ They couldn't have been all bad though, as in the 1950s and '60s women who took diet pills liked them so darn much they just couldn't seem to stop taking them. Of course, it might have had something to do with the fact that the diet pills of the '50s and '60s were in actuality bottles of pure crank. But hey, what's getting addicted to amphetamines when being ready for bathing suit season hangs in the balance? ”

The miraculous weight loss drugs of the 50's were indeed miraculous. They kept you in a good mood, hyperactive and made you surely crave the next fistful or two of pills at any given time. Too bad these are outlawed today, unless of course, you have your supply chain in the underwold.

Random sources and inspirational stuff

(Hilarity ensues whenever weight is discussed)

How To Lose Weight Fast

Follow these tips and you will be on track for a fast weight loss diet!

Drink plenty of water evenly through the day, eight or more glasses total. As soon as you wake up try and drink 16 ounces of cold water. Drinking water is one of the most rapid weight loss tips that dieticians suggest to people and leads to 100+ calories extra burned a day.

Eat six small meals a day. Typical times are 7:30am, 10am, 12:30pm, 4pm, 6pm, 9pm. Lunch should be the largest, other meals consist only of one 1/2 palm sized piece of protein and one fist size organic carbohydrate food. Your Palm and Fist.

A great tip for how to lose weight fast, easy and safe is that you should have your last large meal about three hours before you go to sleep. It is ok to have a very small snack after that.

Eat organic vegetables and fruits for breakfast like apples, no-fat yogurt (I like Yoplait lite no fat), tomatoes, carrots, and peppers.

Don’t depend upon fat burning diet supplements. They wont go a long way in helping you sustain your reduced weight.

Soft drinks contain 150 empty calories, you must substitute one can of soft drink (soda) with water each day. Every twenty soft drinks you skip from your normal intake equates to about one pound of weight loss.

Diet Drinks can stop you from losing weight, therefore drink an equal amount of water immediately after a diet drink to help flush your system or better yet, avoid diet drinks every other day or if you have the will power all days except your "cheat day" (see below).

Being bored at home, especially in the evening becomes a cause of overeating, so keep yourself busy by meeting friends or new people, joining clubs, going to free public events. Do not just sit on the couch all the time.

As important as it is to pay attention to the fact that we eat the right food, equally vital is to keep a watch on the quantity. A good rule of thumb is: protein fits in palm of your hand, carbohydrate fist size, no fatty add ons (butter, dressing,etc).But dark greens eat as much as you want (broccoli is one of the best for this, I recommend steamed).

Eat your food slowly with each mouthful taking 30 seconds. Pause your eating half way through for 5 minutes. Your body needs ten minutes to tell your mind it is full. Remember....eat slowly.

Go for a one hour walk five days a week. This does not need to be a power walk but a faster pace will help. If possible, carry some light 2 pound dumb bells.

The ultimate tip to eventual success: regular exercise and a balanced diet. Add one cheat day to your diet to rid yourself of cravings.