User:Legolas11/Bill Grum

Bill Grum was born in Boise, Idaho on a cow farm. While his family enjoyed touching cow's genitalia to make a drink he had bigger aspirations.

Early Life

Bill attended Roseway Elementary School, but found that he was smarter than the teachers because he was not an illiterate skank. When he asked about geometry in school his teachers would tell him to take his city talk mumbo jumbo to Satan so he could intoxicate his mind. For this reason Bill fled his home at age eleven and moved to Los Angeles. While in Los Angeles Bill met Ben Stiller and told him to give up already causing him to become a local hero. Even Jesus Christ praised Bill for stopping the Big Eared Menace. Jesus asked Bill what he wanted most, so Bill told him he wanted to be in the world's most awesome band. Jesus then waved his magic wand and Crippled Society was born.

Crippled Society

Bill Grum was now the frontman of the world's greatest band, with Jerry Seinfeld on drums and Littlekuriboh on bass guitar. Crippled Society put out their first album within a year entitlee "Welcome to Society: Population Crippled. The album artwork stirred controversey because it was a real life picture of Bill kicking the shit out of a disabled women trying to cross a New York street. Bill called it a parody of Abbey Road. Crippled Society's first single was called "Masturbation Song." Seinfeld kept a steady beat on drums while Bill spewed out names of pornographic websites at will. It was very popular with the modern day "I could care less" parent, and kids everywhere began gushing online to pornographic sights. (Okay that happened anyway, but the song was still a hit). To top it Bill wrote a song entitled "America Sucks" and because Americans tend to love bashing their own culture the song was another massive success. With two hit songs Crippled Society decided to set off on their "High as a Balloon" Tour. The tour was a huge success because at every show Bill would call up a poser in the front row and kick him in the crotch and then machine gun him into the mosh pit.

Problems

Immediately following the tour problems arose for Crippled Society. Littlekuriboh decided he wanted to dedicate his life to mocking four year olds favorite cartoon characters, so he left the band without a bass player. Obviously, that's not a big deal, but without Littlekuriboh to soak up some of Jerry Seinfeld's ridiculous comments Bill began to go insane, and many people believe their next album "Jerry Shut the Hell Up" is laden with hidden messages against the comedian, such songs as "Hey did you ever notice how you never stop talking" "Fuck off Jerry" and "Well airplane peanuts don't care for you either." are all said to be slander thrown the comedian's way. During the "Get this fucking asshole out of my band tour." Crippled Society began to crumble as Jerry would interrupt songs to do stand-up as Bill hurled watermelons at him, hoping to snap his spine in two. Finally, one night Bill disappeared from their hotel and Crippled Society was no more.

Solo Career

Bill Grum went home and decided to start his own rap label called "Degrade Women Records." He wrote his first rap and posted the lyrics on every city street corner he could:

Who's Bill Grum Who's Bill Grum Whoop Bill Grum All the children come and throw relish at my mum Heck what fun who's Bill Grum Where in the world is the gum, it's stuck to the flag Beat my children with a rag suffocate em in a bag My ocelots a fag he tore the tag of my pants It attracted ants girls run away when I ask them to dance My cook's names's Lance he made me tea for two I beat him with my shoe I said get a dang clue nobody likes you I threw him in the zoo the lion consumed him his future looks dim Kobe Bryant missed the rim my friend's name's Tim he likes birds He's confused by big words he needs a D to pass the ninth grade Before his reputation begins to fade I'd like to trade my mum For some fresh gum, Who's Bill Grum?

The song became an instant hit and propelled his album "Back from the depths of Seinfeld" to the top position on the charts. Bill then decided that he was getting sick of having to listen to albums because they were far to understandable and jointed, so he created a prototype billPOD which would allow random songs to be jumbled together in a disorderly and chaotic fashion, this invention would also bring about the end of puchasing cd's and cripple the entire music industry. When he pitched his idea to horribly named apple executive Steve Jobs, Jobs agreed to rip-off the product and steal and the proceeds on one condition. Because he had a lower case "i" fetish he would have to change the name to iPod and subsequently name every other apple invention from now until the end of time i something. Bill agreed and was proud to see someone else taking credit for his idea as iPod's swept through the nation.

Hatred

Because of his religious slander Bill was hated by Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and Atheists. Bill mocked them all in his song "Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and Atheists suck." For this reason one night when he was walking down a deserted alleyway alone and religious gang jumped him. The gang first robbed him at gunpoint and threatened to cut his toes off one at a time if he didn't take back what he said and write an apology song. Lucky for Bill he was wearing his patten pending "Save Me Optimus Prime Button" soon to be the "iSave iMe iOptimus iPrime iButton." Immediately all the Jews and Muslims and Christians and Buddhists and Atheists were crushed by a forty ton robot, and then Bill released a single called "I'm Sorry For Crushing You With My Transformer... NOT" it was also a big hit because as Rolling Stone put it, "It felt real."

Rap Olympics 2008

At the Rap Olympics in 2008 Bill Grum qualified for the freestlye championship by throwing down some real sick nasty rhymes ya'll. He defeated 50 Cents, M&M's, Florida, Vaughn Jurkovic, and every pussy with Lil' in their name, but his only real competition came against Weird Al in the final rap down. Weird Al parodied Green Day's 21st Century Breakdown by once again exploiting his hatred of Canada in 21st Canadian Bacon. The song left Bill crippled, but with his rap he managed to insult Weird Al's mother and threaten his life so many times that he won by default. He was awarded a crown of thorns and the forty-seven cents the rappers could scrap together for the grand prize.

Crippled Society Reunion Tour

Like all great washed up bands Crippled Society prepared for their reunion tour five years after they had disbanded. Bill Grum, in order to survive the endless torture, recruited Jesus to play back up guitar and paid off Scott Greer to hit a tamborine. During the first show Scott ruined nearly every song by yelling "Death to the infidels" and taking a hatchet to his tamborine. Jesus became bored with his back-up role and returned to Bad Religion where he would remain for two more years. Jerry Seinfeld and Littlekuriboh began doing voice acting during the show and Bill quit in disgust leading to the formation of Scott and the Funny Guys a Swiss pop band that likes staying neutral and hates when globberhangers steal their apples. Their last album sold eight copies in America and was therefore awarded Diamond status.

Future

Currently Bill Grum is busy planning his second solo rap album "Get Some Shit and Bitches and Whatnot." The album looks to be a favorite to take album of the year in 2010 with lead single, "Fuck Bitches and Clubs" already being the number one downloaded track of all-time due to its highly attractive explicit content and unintelligable lyrics.