User:L10nM4st3r/Noita
Noita is a dielike game developed by Nolla Masochist Games. Players control a witch that can collect and cast spells in order to defeat enemies and themselves. The main game leads the player down a cave ending in certain death, although the game contains many secrets, including death, death, and more death. It was released in early access on 24 September 2019 and was fully released on 15 October 2020.
| Noita | |
|---|---|
| File:Noita game logo.jpg | |
| Developer(s) | Nolla Games |
| Publisher(s) | Nolla Games |
| Composer(s) | From Grotto and Niilo Takalainen |
| Engine | Dying Everything |
| Platform(s) | Windows |
| Release | 15 October 2020 |
| Genre | Platform, dielike |
| Mode(s) | Single-player |
Gameplay[edit | edit source]
General[edit | edit source]
The game world is made of biomes, with each biome wanting to kill the player in new and unfair ways. "Holy mountain" temples seperate each biome, in which you will have to fight a powerful creature summoned by the gods, who are angry at you, because a worm ate into the temple while you were minding your own buisness. In these temples, assuming you have not angered the gods, you can buy new wands and spells, or get perks, such as immunity to all damage exept the types of damage you actually take damage from, or turning your blood into oil or lava.
The wands usually kill you the second you pick them up, and the new spells always cost more than the average budget of a nintendo game, which isn't much, but still a tiny bit more than you could ever afford.
Biomes[edit | edit source]
Mines: The Mines are the first biome you will enter. Instantly kills you with magical bullshit, because there are so many stupid potions everywhere.
Coal Pits: The Coal Pits is the best biome. Here you can find the most amount of gold, the most annoying enemies, and the best stuff. It's a shame the only way to get the gold or stuff is to either die, or get a mining spell, which is impossible to get until the next biome, and you can't backtrack!
Snowy Depths: The Snowy Depths is the worst biome. Here you can find snipers with aimbot which could 360 headshot no-scope you in fortnite from 5 battle-royale islands away. If you manage to survive the snipers, you still have to deal with magical skulls which instantly kill you if they get on-screen, as well as thunder-wizards which instantly kill you if they get line of sight.
Hiisi Base: Has robots which explode when you kill them, but these explosions are so large they cause your pc to actually explode in real life from the lag.
Underground Jungle: Don't, don't even try to gear up or pick a perk here, or you will anger the gods by simply existing. Whether the next biome is a jungle, or you are just leaving the jungle, don't bother buying anything, just get out of the holy mountain before you die to an overpowered skeleton king. While inside the biome, you will die to random puddles of toxic sludge falling on you, spiders or bees eating you, or a lone bomb turning you into ash.
The Vault: Umm, I forgot this was a biome to be honest. I don't even remember what it looks like. Probably also kills you.
Temple of the Art: Just kills you instantly with magical bullshit.
The Laboratory: Haven't gotten that far yet (no, really, I have no idea what it even looks like)