User:Kippy/Van Gogh
Please give an ear to our guest, Vincent van Gogh.
Welcome to UnNews. It's such an honor to have an inspiring artist as yourself with us.
What?
I said it's great to have you here.
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
Nevermind. I'll just move my chair to your right side.
Huh?
That's better. Anyway, how exactly do you pronounce your name?
We at Uncyclopedia love potatoes. Can you describe your painting The Potato Eaters?
The Potato Eaters was my first major project. I used dark, dreary colours to portray disfigured peasants sitting around a table, eating potatoes with the same hands they used to grow them. I wanted it to say "Poor people are miserable in everyway imaginable, and should be greatly pitied".
Perhaps your most popular work is Starry Night. Can you elaborate on this masterpiece?
Masterpiece? That piece of shit? I puked that together to give me something to do at the boring insane asylum. I made other variations, but they are all equally crap.
You seem to lack self-confidence. Why is that?
You sound like my psychiatrist.
I'm sorry.
No, that is alright. *sigh* I have always felt like such a complete failure. I even tried to kill myself on several occasions. All of which proved to be unsuccessful.
According to my notes, you're believed to suffer from several mental disorders, including epilepsy, bipolar disorder, and hypergraphia, along with various physical conditions as well.
Yes. I am one crazy fucked up individual.
Finally, I must ask the burning question our readers want to know. Why did you cut your left ear lobe off?
I needed to pay a prostitute, but I was tapped out from all the Christmas shopping I did earlier that day. In a moment of panic, I took my razor and sliced off part of my ear to give to her.
Thank God I didn't ask her for the specialty, otherwise I would have had to give her another part of my body.