User:Kayau/Wong Yuck-man
“He's nothing but a puck... whoops.”
“Jeez, hi pal.”
“You swore! How could you!”
Wong Yuck-"Lunatic"-man (00 Zerember 0000 - 25 October 2023 was a Hong Kong lunatic, monkey, and a core member of the League of Stupid Bigots. He was also one of the most famous scholars of the Foul language, a language spoken by approximately ∞ people over the world.
Early life and escape from zoo[edit | edit source]
Wong Yuck-man was born in the Hong Kong Botanical, Zoological and Lunatical Park, the only known park in the city which was not built by aliens, to his mamma and papa (WHAT THE HECK???!!!???), who were both monkeys. His original name is allegedly Wang Yuck-alien. The gorilla in the cage next to him, "Filthyhair" Leung Kwok-hung, was a known swearing machine. Wong's early exposure to foul language was one of the major reasons why he got interested in the topic.
One frequent visitor to the HKBZLP, Albert "Fatso" Chan, then 3 years of age, was later a great influence of Wong. He was a frequent panner of the British government and absobloodylutely hated them. Chan is the only surviving member of the League of Stupid Bigots as well as one of the two left of the radical pan-pan-pan-pan-democrats.
On a damned dark and stormy night, Chan plotted a cumming cunning escape and sent a doss to pan the hell out of the rubbishy British guards. Leung and Wong nodded, then ran all the way across Kowloon shouting 'GANGSTA!', and ended up in Pui To Monastery.
- Hang on a bloody minute, how the hell did they get there?
Shut your trap.
Life in the Castle Peak Bin[edit | edit source]
OK, if you'll just wait a goddamn minute I'm gonna explain that. There's a super laser spring installed in Leung and Wongs' bums when they ran, so when they were to get their a@*% out of there they thought they meant activate those springs, so they ended up in Tuen Mun.
- Well, that's what I bloody well told you.
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE SHUT YOUR FLIPPING GOB!!!
OK, where the bloody hell was I? Oh yes, Pui To. As you ought to know, Pui To has magical powers that were known to turn monkeys and gorillas into lunatic humans. Even a dead Pui To can do that. Yeah. Dead as a dodo. Deader than a dodo, really. Like, so can a statue.
So anyways, this bloke, the only human being who didn't fall in the GANGSTA spell apart from Fatso Chan, like, just walked to Leung and Wong after the Pui To statue turned them into lunatic humans. The man felt sorry for the lunatics, so he decided to take them to the Castle Peak Bin, which is not to be confused with the Castle Peak Loony Bin, which is for people who are BUNCHES more sensible than Leung and Wong.
Leung and Wong resided for ten years together in the Bin. They fed on rubbish and some kind of beer that the funny bloke who took them to the bin gave to them on occasional visits. They studied the foul language and made major linguistic advancements to the Cantonese sub-tongue of the language. They invented numerous psycho-swear words which later came in handy as bigots.
Reunion with Fatso Chan[edit | edit source]
Fatso Chan, who had not seen Leung and Wong for a long time, was very sad. One day, he decided to pay a visit to the Castle Peak Loony Bin, where he saw some of his old friends. One of them, Andrew the Toad, toad Chan that there was a bin where two severe lunatics lived. Chan, then a curious 25-year-old, visited the bin.
Chan interrupted Leung and Wong during their food fight, but neither of them cared because Chan was their old friend. Chan asked them who they were, and Leung and Wong toad them with glee. Chan was flabbergasted that Pui To had done so much to change their looks. He immediately turned Buddhist and started chanting some Buddhist wisdom. This turned all three of them into bigots and they went back to the Loony Bin and, along with three of Chan's dotty old friends, formed the League of Stupid Bigots.
- So are you telling me why Chan's old friends turned into bigots too?
GODDAMN YOU! ON YER BIKE! YOU BLOODY MORON! YOU'RE BRAIN'S SO RETARDED YOU'RE WORSE THAN THE LEAGUE OF STUPID BIGOTS! GO TO HELL!
League of Stupid Bigots[edit | edit source]
So, where was I? Oh yes, the League. Now, the new League of Stupid Bigots felt a desire. A desire for bigotry, for corruption, for injustice, for disorder. So they decided to get into thet Legislative Council. Or LegCo for short. Or LegisCounc if you want. Yeah, I don't really give a damn what you call it.
- What about LegislativCounci?
F@%$ OFF, YOU SON OF A B!&#^! CUT THAT B@!@$^# OFF MY UNCYCLOPEDIA PAGE OR I'LL KICK THE S@&% OUT OF YOUR B@&%$!
- You sound like the Bigots yourself. OK, I'm getting lost.
Hallelujah! The League decided to hypnotise the Hong Kong people by setting up an online hynotising centre called MyRadio. MyRadio sends off a special radio frequency that hypnotised just enough people for the League members to enter the LegCo. That was when the fun and games started.
On the day when they were supposed to swear an oath, they swore a different kind of oath. Oaths, actually, Oaths of the Foul language. Their years in the Castle Peak Bin were not wasted. Far from it. They swore and swore and swore and swore and swore and swore and swore and swore in the Foul language. The members of the Civic Party were impressed. They didn't know a word of the Foul language. They decided to be in league with the League of Stupid Bigots and planned an evil plan to overthrow the Communist Party.
And, did I say, the League absolutely HATED bow-ties. They were determined to eliminate bow-ties from the world. They burnt bow-ties, tore them into pieces, jumped on them, and did all they could to torture them. Their least favourite brand of bow-ties was called Sir Donald. For some reason, Sir Donald Tsang, the Chief Executive, decided to put a discount on that particular brand of bow-ties. The League was infuriated.
Wong personally loved bananas. This was partly due to the fact that he used to be a monkey. He was used to throwing bananas at anyone who disagreed with him. Once, that anyone was Donald Tsang. Wong was asked to get his hell out of the LegCo building, but he refused and everyone but the League members and Civic Party members were furious.
Wong was also the Master of Avoiding Assassination Attempts Murder Attempts Animal Abuse Getting Squished.
- Oh no he isn't.
YEAH, HE WAS BLOODY WELL KILLED AT LAST BUT WE'RE NOT THERE YET OK SO GO P^#$ W*#$ Y*@)^@%^ YOU F^@)^($# P@$#{@&^!
The first time a guy shot him while he was watching a play whose hero was performed by Tanya Chan. He was, like, bleeding all over the theatre and was fined $999999999 for littering blood. Still, those damned hospital people rescued him anyways. He lived.
The second time he was trying to beat up a policeman officer when he was 'protesting'. The cop fought back, and knocked him out. He died, that damned bigot. Strictly speaking this isn't murder but you get the idea.
The third time the Grim Reaper brought Satan with him. Satan fired his - hey, from when did the Devil have guns? Wong was like, 'Goddamn you, go to hell!' Satan was UNimpressed. He thought mortals were much better at swearing. He went back to hell (the LITERAL hell, you dimwit. Do you need your brain tested?), leaving the Grim Reaper there. Wong, wise that he was, started shouting obscenities at the Grim Reaper, who decided he was not worthy of taking away.
The only constructive thing that he actually did as a member of the League of Social Bigots is to be elected as the Professor of the Foul Language at the Foulese University of Hong Kong. He is known to have taught generations of students about how people drop dead in the streets, have their whole family killed and other unmentionables.
Death[edit | edit source]
At precisely 09:35, 25 October 2023, Wong Yuck-man was struck by a lightning bolt cast from hell. What a helluva way to die. And to think that it was a practical joke from a demon on Satan. What a big flip. Any dimwit could have done it.
See also[edit | edit source]
- Bigots
- Social democrats [redundant with above]
- Aliens
- Stupidity
- You