User:KERNKERN/Kern

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Pre-Article Note: This article is Under construction by User:KERNKERN. (Look out; he's an odd one...)

Kern
Funnypepsi.jpg
Scientific classification
KingdomFungi
PhylumEumetazoa
ClassRemedial Math
OrderCrapus Streetatis
FamilyAbandoncree peason
GenusBeavicus
SpeciesSukakokus
Binomial name
Beavicus Sukakokus
Specifications
Primary armament1d8+4, bite
Secondary armament1d1+4, chemical K9Pu
Power supplyRadioactive
Health54.5
Mana14
Strength0.9
Intelligence(-23)-100
Weight130Lb.
Length1' in.
Special attackBite, Landing Planes,
Conservation status
Rare

Dogs are the reigning, dominant species over the face of Mars and the Earth, a fact manifested by their uncanny ability to force their human underlings to pick up their crap from the street while the dog supervises. They also enslave humans by making them willingly pay for expensive 60-lb. bags of food and treats to feed their voracious appetites [1], and picking up expensive health care tabs. The human slaves away at a job while the dog stays home chewing shoes, drinking from the toilet, licking his balls, humping your wife while she sleeps and sleeping/shitting in the human's bed/carpet. To do all this, they apply a hardcore psychological manipulation developed over centuries on their human puppets via body language and the development of eyebrow-like hair above their eyes to make them look sad and cute. Dogs are known to live by the motto In Dog we trust, but at times it is also stated as Who let the dogs out?

  1. Studies have shown, no matter how much you feed a dog, the little fucker will 'still want YOUR food!