User:John Lydon/CI

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Who Is John Lydon

Ah...... the immortal question. Some claim that he is a mythical creature as old as time itself. Rumors abound that he is the offspring of a European peasant woman and the God of Thunder himself, Zeus. Still others believe him to be not so much man and more of a force. Kind of like the wind. Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. All those people are crackheads who will say anything I pay them to say.

On a side note; Crackheads are the most cost efficient way to get a cult up and running. 
They'll follow whoever you tell them to for 5 bucks. 

Now back to me. I'm sure you're saying to yourself right now; "Gee, John, if you're not any of those things then who are you really?" To which I would reply; "I don't fucking know you! What are you, some kind of Internet pedophile stalker guy!"

The Man

Sometimes Uncyclopedia makes me feel sad

Any quick Google search will tell you John Lydon is the real name of Johnny Rotten, the lead singer of the Sex Pistols. If you have anything above a 2nd grade education that fact should lead you to one of two conclusions:

1. I am actually John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) a fucking punk rock God or;
2. I am a pathological liar who craves attention so badly that I'm willing to present myself as a musical legend in the hopes that someone, somewhere, acknowledges me.

Sadly, number 2 is a pretty accurate description of my life.

I ran out of headline title ideas

Hi, I'm John Lydon. I'm an Aquarius, I enjoy poetry and Brazilian Scat Porn. Sometimes simultaneously. I live in Ohio, which most of you will know by it's nickname, God's unwashed asshole. I'm hoping to make my fortune here on Uncyclopedia (we get paid for this shit right??!!). So I can withdraw from society altogether.