User:Jocke Pirat/UnScripts:Gorath
Gorath: Cultural Learnings from the Future for the Benefit of the Goths Against or Goraþ: Finþan af dwalah anawairþs is a 2006 Documentary starring Gorath Dragkjan, leader of a tribe of visigoths. In Gorath, Gorath interviews people and explores future culture in America to bring back to his people in Europe when he travels back through the time portal.
Gorath[edit | edit source]
Scene 1: A Tour of Visigotland[edit | edit source]
(The movie opens with a panning accross the visigothic countryside. Various crudely constructed stone buildings with children wearing fur skins playing catch with a severed Kidney are shown, a roman man screaming in the background on the dirt ground. Switch: A goth woman, beating a live pig. Switch: A flaming pile of trash. Switch: Gorath's bearded face is seen, as well as the top half of his armored body in the camera view. Behind him is a forest.)
Gorath: H-ail! My name is Gorath! Lieferikson? I like pillaging! (thumbs up, smiling) That good. I am fifteenth greatest reporter in all of Germania!
(Camera flip to a burning roman city. Several goths are on its outskirts kicking people.)
Gorath: Visigotland is as civilized as any empire in world.
(Camera flip to goth man carrying his wife)
Gorath: Women can now travel without leash.
(Camera moves foward, and right, inbetween two huts. A man is being burned at the town dump)
Gorath: Homosexuals are now burned at town dump instead of publically flayed.
(Camera focuses on small goth child wearing a helmet with horns)
Gorath: Even children and slave count as single person in village census now!
(Camera flip. The scene is now the villiage shown earlier. Gorath is on the right side of the screen, walking backwards accross the dirt trail. The camera is following.)
Gorath: This is here, my great town. It called Helgat. We have here great people!
(Camera flips to old man in bear fur, holding a staff made from a tree root.)
Gorath: He called Hrothbert. Hrothbert is town rapist. Very nice about job. Third greatest rapist in all Visigotland. Very good with kids too. Just speaking of kids...
(Camera flips to a young male child playing with a ball made from a pig bladder.)
Gorath: This is Wulfilas. He is town apothecary - just inhereted from his dad after freak Roman hunting accident.
(Camera flips back to Gorath walking through village backwards. He turns right, opening a gate with various skulls positioned on pikes. Camera follows in. Behind Gorath is a stone house without a door, and small openings for windows)
Gorath: Sorry for gate, no time today to sprinkle fresh pig blood over human skulls. Anyhow, here is great home of mine. (Steps to side)
(Camera pans to right of the house, a similar home is shown. A cross Asian-looking man in armor and a beard is standing near the fence, staring at the camera)
Gorath: This is my neighbor, Atilla. He called Hun, but you can call him 'weed of dick'. He copy me near every time.
Atilla: Als u houdt starend bij me als dat, zal ik uw scrotum weg scheuren.
(Subtitles: Go die in a fire, dickweed.)
(Camera abruptly pans to the house and zooms in to an angry young lady in fur. She is looking at Gorath menacingly. Gorath turns to face her.)
Lady: (Yelling) U ziek ezelsgat! Ik kan geloven niet u die videobanden frome me verborg! Ga matrijs in een brand!
(Subtitles: Hey, Asshole! I'm not going to clean this dirt floor again so you can have sex with your girlfriend! Hear me!)
(Camera flip to in front of Gorath. The Lady throws a terra cotta bowl at Gorath, whose helmet absorbs whatever damage he couldn't avoid by ducking. Gorath clutches his head, near where the dish hit, and turns towards the camera. The lady shuts the door.)
Gorath: He he he... That is my woman. I had her purchased at the local trading store for three chickens. Beautiful slut, isn't she? Please be hold on.
(Gorath turns towards his house.)
Gorath: (Yelling) Hoe over u een brand maak alvorens wij aan dood verhongeren, u lui wijfje! De sandwiches zich maken niet. Krijg de hel terug naar het fornuis vóór alvorens van I uw gezicht!
(Subtitles: Get me a sandwhich and stop flapping your gums you dumb bitch! The oven doesn't heat itself!)
(Camera flip to dirt road. The camera is positioned in the middle. A fence runs down the two sides of the road. Goths are cheering as two boulders in the road stay stationary, buried in the dirt)
Gorath: Here we see Visigotland's national pastime: The running of the Boulder.
(A goth yells, signalling the start of the race. The rocks don't move.)
Gorath: The Running of the Boulder is very tense, and sometimes is of rigging by Roman scum.
Random Goth in the Background: Lanceer de Romein! Lanceer de Romein!
(Subtitle: Launch the Roman!)
(Suddenly the sound of a flame occurs, then screaming, then of a catapult, then of a cracking, and the rocks start to move down the road. A rock with a crudely painted "#7" passes the finish line first. The crowd erupts in fury. People are lit on fire.)
Random Goth in the Background: Dat is gelul! Nummer zeven zou moeten gewonnen hebben!
(Subtitles: Bullshit! Fuck these boulders! #2 used wheels!)
Random Goth in the Background: U bent enkel droevig dat u uw weddenschap verloor!
(Subtitles: Take that back you lying shit!)
Gorath: Everybody wins! Except the Roman. They never win.
(Gorath ducks and a flaming bottle of absinthe is thrown at him. Camera flips to him back at the village riding a cart with a fat Goth. The cart is being pulled by a woman who is enticed to move on by a glass of water tied to a stick held by the slightly fat goth.)
Gorath: (Narration, on screen lips not moving) We are going to future time to see how people have living there. Thata is King's friend Anareiks. He will retrieve body of mine if I am not successful in journey. He also likes to burn things.
Scene Two: America[edit | edit source]
Gorath (narration): We finally made it to future time with thanks to "doctor" where we arrived to a place called "america" which is apparently far from Europe. Doctor was funny fellow; hates scream of greeting and voluntary burning.