User:Jls470
History[edit | edit source]
Ma'a Nonu, for those of you who dont know who he is (idiots) is a maori tribesman that plays rugby for New Zeland and the super 14 side Hurricanes. He hails from an island that scientists belive to be somwhere of the eastern coast of Samoa; his age is unknown but experts think that he fought in the first world war so pre 1914. His parents were belived to be from the last of the people to live in caves but when he was thirteen he moved to western china to farm opium. At this point of his life he stunted his growth quite majorly and remained at the age of thirteen until 1995 when he continued to grow he is currently 24 years of age. During the 50's he joined a jazz band called 'unborn placenta' he played the saxophone but was promptly kicked out of the band for eating the instruments. During his time living in america he was tricked into joining the white anglo-saxon supremacist group the klu klux klan, during one of their rallies he became confused and attacked anything in his sight, this was the actual start of the gulf war. In 1957 ma'a nonu learnt his first word of english. After this he returned to his homeland by swimming from L.A on the west coast of america this took 13 years during his swim he forgot all the english he had learnt and he became fucking stacked! when he finally arrived in 1970 his home island was a giant supermarket. This led him to swim to new zeland where he found work as a pimp in invercargill. In 1984 he was displayed in wellington zoo before breaking free and killing all the staff; and eating all the animals. He returned to invercargill in the 1990's where Tana Umanga (new zeland rugby) saw him chasing a seagul and realised his full potential. He was quickly enrolled in the New Zeland youth side and played there happily scoring an average of 115 points per match. He continued play here until 1995 when he started to grow again (and became more stacked than before) this was due to the number of deaths he caused per game in a match versus fiji he killed their whole team before half time, the reason all the fatalities were caused was because of his hard hitting runs usually knocking people so hard they suffered an on spot brain hemmarige. At this point he qualified for the new zeland firsts team but international rugby stopped for two years following a deccision by the IRB because he left so many people killed or wounded. He is now playing rugby happily for club and country plus he has learnt to say another word in english.
On The Pitch[edit | edit source]
Due to nonu's lack of communication it has been difficult to play him on most occasions. to learn to play he had to go on an intensive training course to grasp some rules, this failed so they taught him to attack anything that wasnt in the colour of the team he played for, this led to the banning of flash photography at all New Zeland games following the kodak day massacre, probably self explanitory. To get this peculiar wilderbeast to score they smeared sheeps blood on the opposition try area (for those of you who dont know what a try is see monty panesar ). This again had its problems when the groundskeeper smeard sheeps blood on the wrong try line resulting in the argest ammount of 5 meter scrums ever recorded in a match or rugby. Sheeps blood you may ask ma'a nonu eats nothing but sheep and other raw meat. He is also tranquilized by ketamin so they can put his kit on for matches. Ma'a nonu wrote season one of family guy.
Nonu Facts[edit | edit source]
- His left eye is green and the other chnages depending on from what angle you look at it
- in New Zeland there was 12 sheep to one person now there are just 8 due to nonu's hunger of sheep
- he was the tim man in the wizard of oz
- other than killing people his other hobbies include diving fishing and watching british public school rugby
- Nonu is a master linguist mastering all languages apart from english
- his favorite drink is tea
- the comic book superhero 'the incredible hulk' was loosely based on a rugby match nonu played against canada, by himself
- Nonu has an irrational phobia of mirrors
- admiral ackbar took care of him as a child
- Nonu should be in prison but in the rugby rule book it states that 'if a player should die in play no one shall be blammed but noel edmunds
