User:I say RRRawr/The Unknowable Theory
"Oh, I know of the Unknowable Theory. I wrote it on a sticky note...somewhere...goddamn..."--Oscar Wilde on the Unknowable Theory
"BBAAAAAA-HIYAH!"--Ninja Sheep on the Unknowable Theory
"In Soviet Russia, THEORY UNKNOWS YOU!"--Russian Reversal on the Unknowable Theory
Shhh...you don't know....annything....
What Is Known/Unknown/Barely Knownish About the Unknowable Theory[edit | edit source]
The Unknowable Theory, created by the illustrious and dashing Anonymous, is a complexital (yes, it's a word) concept supported by the greatest of the world's genius philosophers, mathmeticians, and sex fiends. Beginning in 1130, this theory took flight as the newest, hippest, hottest idea in all of Eurasia.
- But what IS the unknown theory, one might ask.
- In the words of Anonymous, the Unknown Theory states:
One can never know the Unknown Theory.
Wait...what?[edit | edit source]
One can never know the Unknown Theory.
- This is the part where the collective sigh of OHHHHH comes in**
Knowing the Unknowable Theory[edit | edit source]
"But hey," some dimwit *cough* you *cough* might think, "by knowing that I can't know the Unknowable Theory, don't I know the Unknowable theory?"
AAA! WRONG!
The Unknowable Theory (Or UT for a select few individuals. No, you can't use it yet. I can't even use it yet. No, you can never use it. Don't even think about using it. Don't even think about thinking about using it. I know you're thinking about thinking about using it. Did you just...use it? DID YOU JUST USE IT?? Out. OUT I SAY.) simply states that one cannot know the Unknowable Theory, or know that they cannot know it. In knowing that they cannot know it, they know that they know that they cannot know it. In this state, the person in question is sucked up into a wormhole, controlled by King Unknown of the Bouncy Castle of Your face.
No one knows what happens in these Wormholes of Knowledge of Knowledge. Only that no one ever returns. Ever. Well, except one. But we couldn't find her in the phonebook, so we gave up.
Only by cutting your own head off with a chainsaw does one reverse the damage done by the Unknowable Theory before the wormholeage begins. However, if you live in Switzerland or in the middle of nowhere, sometimes nothing happens. Because nothing happens there. And the Unknowable Theory cannot thrive where there is nothing going on, because hey...then it's just no fun.
Theory? Or...*gasp* More?[edit | edit source]
Contrary to popular belief, some Blue-Man-Group-Loving-Poacher-Poaching-Crazies-And-Other-Nutjobs-To-That-Extent realize that The Unknowable Theory might not be a theory at all.
They have taken it farther.
Religion, my friends.
Unknowableistic Theorism, started by Elton John and the Gay Mafia in 1150, celebrates the idiots of the world (you) and cherishes the ignorance of mankind, the awesomeness of wormholes, and Harry Potter, the President of the club since...well....ever since that fateful day at the train station. Bless JKR. Anyways. Yes.
The Headquarters for Unknowableisic Theorism is Wikipedia, because it is the only place that accepts live idiot sacrifices: your mom. To enter, you have to have a special name, a special kind of hair gel, and a mind like a blank slate, that's hollow as well. A blank hollow slate.
Einstein's Theory of Strength and Theoryeticalness of the Unknowable Theory[edit | edit source]
- If one accepts the fact that they do not know the Unknowable Theory, the Unknowable Theory becomes stronger and more theory...etical.
This can be explained in Einstein's simple rule:
- (Yeah, Einstein could say UT. No, you still can't.)
The theory, invented in a state of fever-induced delirium, illustrates the fact that when somebody follows The Unknowable Theory, ie: accepts the fact they do not know it, Jesus gets up from his nap and takes a census of their stupidity on a scale of 1 to 100. The higher the number is, the stronger the wormholes get, pulling more people into them.
Ever wondered why there are so many stupid people milling around, taking up space? Yeah, that's why. They contribute to Einstein's theory, which is why you should never tell a stupid person about The Unknowable Theory. Well, wait, you know already. Crap.
+
= Religious Perfection