User:Hyperbole/Mind games

The brain of a woman as seen by a man, as seen by a woman.

Mind games are something that women who write personals ads hate. A woman writing a personals ad will always include a reference to mind games, and state that she does not want anyone who responds to the ad to play them with her. For example, a standard personals ad will read:

can u handle me??

ready to settle down with someone thats serious. my life is very busy, my family is my life! looking for cool ppl, to see where it takes me... i want a tall, strong, REAL man. who loves walking on the beach and cuddling but can also go crazy. i'm not racist or anything but no black people or chinks. NO MIND GAMES!!! i dont have the patients for mind games.

The last sentences are important. If they're missing, that's a sure sign that the ad was written either by a spammer or a man (or both!)

But what exactly are mind games? These women aren't talking about chess or sudoku or Brain Age for the DS. In fact, these women would never speak to you again if you mentioned that you own a DS. No, they're talking about something else. But what?

Although no man has ever been able to figure this out, there are a number of prevailing theories.

Theories

There is a subterranean race of mole people who respond to personals ads in bizarre ways.

Another female is seeking companionship!! Time to play games with her mind!! Bwahahaha!!

Apparently, someone is e-mailing these women and engaging in clever sophistry engineered to reduce them to a sobbing puddle of confusion. Since there are no recorded cases of actual human men doing this, it is logical to conclude that it is being done by mole people.

Although there is technically no evidence for the existence of mole people, there are some circumstantial suggestions. I mean, somebody has to be stealing all our socks, lighters, and guitar picks. Somebody has to be buying "herbal viagra" from those "Canadian pharmacies." Yep. It's got to be mole people. And I'm thinking they're the ones responsible for these mind games.

I'm not sure, but I'm guessing the e-mail exchanges look something like this:

From: tallstrongrealman@yahoo.com

To: luvsdolphinschic99@hotmail.com

Re: Your personals ad

Hey, stranger! I loved your personals ad. I'm 6'3", and I was the shot-put champion in college until I resigned to help underprivileged children. I'm not racist either; I actually just feel sorry for black people and how ugly they are. Let's get together and cuddle! A sphincter says what?

From: luvsdolphinschic99@hotmail.com

To: tallstrongrealman@yahoo.com

re: Re: Your personals ad

its great to hear from u!! but i didn't understand your last part. what? kisses, shiela

From: tallstrongrealman@yahoo.com

To: luvsdolphinschic99@hotmail.com

Re: re: Re: Your personals ad

HA HA HA HA! P0WNED!! You've just fallen prey to my MIND GAME!! Viva the Mole People!!

To women, everything is a mind game.

What does he mean, "I'd like to meet you?" I don't get it! Is he playing with my mind??

Personally, I think this theory is less plausible than the mole people theory, but for the sake of thoroughness, here it is.

One school of thought is that women frequently drive themselves crazy with absolutely no external stimulus - and so, to them, absolutely anything a man says, does, doesn't say, or doesn't do, can be construed as a mind game.

For example, this is another plausible e-mail exchange:

From: depechemodefan@roxxors.org

To: luvsdolphinschic99@hotmail.com

Re: Maybe we could get some coffee?

Hey, I just read your personals ad. I think it'd be cool if we went out and got some coffee sometime. By the way, do you have a picture?

From: luvsdolphinschic99@hotmail.com

To: depechemodefan@roxxors.org

Re: Maybe we could get some coffee?

tell me more about urself. are you at least 6 ft tall? are you a white guy? are you a christian? u have to be saved. are u HWP? do you have a job? do you make at least 80,000 a year, i know that seems shallow, but its not, thats very important to me. oh, heres my pic. i know its just the side of my head and my shoulders but its all i have. also i lost like 30 pounds since then.

(A week goes by)

From: luvsdolphinschic99@hotmail.com

To: depechemodefan@roxxors.org

Re: Maybe we could get some coffee?

FINE THEN!!! u think u can get me in bed by just not answering my email? well FUCK U and FUCK UR MIND GAMES!!!