User:Grae313/PGS coffee hour
| PGS Coffee Hour | |
|---|---|
| Motto | "Excelsior, suckas" |
| Established | 12 BCE |
| School type | Caffeinated Soiree |
| President | Zach Lamberty |
| Location | Ithaca, New York, USA |
| Campus | Cornell University |
| Enrollment | Over 9000 |
| Graduates | All of them |
| Endowment | $0.07 |
| Faculty | None |
| Mascot | Sergei Dyda |
| Active Participants | 1000000 |
| Place | Graduate Lounge |
| Time | 2:30 – 3:30 PM |
| Website | [1] |
"60 Minutes of Booyah" redirects here. For other uses, see 60 Minutes of Booyah (disambiguation).
Every week the graduate students of Cornell University's Physics Department gather together to discuss their outrageously fantastic accomplishments and brilliant ideas, as well as to socialize with echelons unimagined outside of the rarefied strata of Clark Hall and environs. These events are not open to the public (unless you are asking on behalf of the GPSA and our funding committees in which case, yeah, totally bra, come on in). It has been rumored that admittance to a PGS coffee hour is the one international honor that Whoopie Goldberg (EGOT-er) has not yet obtained.
PGS coffee hour is held weekly. At the moment it occurs every Thursday at 2:30 PM in the Physics Graduate Lounge.
Purpose[edit | edit source]
A current roommate of mine, upon reading in Keith Richard's autobiography that to Keith a day of work was “doing drugs and writing music,” observed that physicists are a lot like rock stars. “The only difference is we write equations instead of music, and we don't shoot heroine – we shoot caffeine.”
History[edit | edit source]
In order to be more effective at equation writing and atom smashing, physics grad students since the dawn of time have gathered in the exact spot of the Cornell University physics graduate lounge. Sure, the building wasn't built at the time, but they gathered there none the less. This year marks the 2022-nd straight year of coffee being distributed to graduate students from the lounge.
In its formative years it consisted of little more than red eyed graduate students (then referred to by the more honest epithet “slaves”) engaging in a fight to the death over the faculty's unused coffee grinds. More than half of all recorded grad student deaths before 1974 were classified as “Javacide.” After the great Copernican Revolution (lead by Percival Copernicus, great grandson of Nicolaus Copernicus and contemporary of Karl Marx) grad students were granted the right to have their own coffee and windows in some first year basement offices. This initially caused great upheaval as the exposure to sunlight for the first time in millenia caused many grad students to go blind, but this was forgotten because those old dudes like, finally graduated.
Bulleted Lists[edit | edit source]
Among the seemingly immeasurable (over 9000 to be sure) contributions to scientific and social progress that have originated at PGS coffee hour are the following:
- The automobile
- The wheel
- The Slinky
- The computer
- Canada
- Hopscotch
- Regular scotch
- The internet (via former participant Al Gore)
- The Neo-Geo-Centric model of the Kosmos
- Dungeons and Dragons
- This thing you can write with but also totally use to chuck paperclips across the room
- Hip-hop group Bone Thugs-n-Harmony
Notable Past Coffee Hour-ers
- Basically every scientist ever
- “Macho Man” Randy Savage
- 95% of all Nobel Prize Winners in Physics
- Your mom
Current PGS Executive Committee[edit | edit source]
President
- Zach “Razzle-Dazzle” Lamberty
Vice President
- Nik “All Killer, No Filler” Zhelev
Treasurer
- Shivam “No Stranger to Danger” Ghosh
Director of Communication
- Curran “Wu Tang” Muhlberger