User:Fuqueue/Dmitry Medvedev

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The human face of power and middle management.

Dmitry Anatolyevich Medvedev (Дми́трий Анато́льевич Медве́дев) is a first generation cybernetic prototype. Named for the top-secret KGB project that spawned him, MEDVEDev stands for Mechanically Enhanced Chechnyan Pig Exterminator. The Dev translates roughly to "development", although there is no literal meaning of the word in Russian.

Conception

The brainchild of notorious evil super-villain, Dr. Vladimir von Putin, in a bat-cave, Project MEDVEDev was originally commissioned for the purposes of creating a strong, sexy chess computer capable of un-seating world chess champion Gary Kasparov, thereby eroding his political credentials, and hindering any possible prospect of taking the next, completely and utterly logical step in his career - running for President.

In 2007, Five years into their research and with elections looming, researchers had made a remarkable discovery which was set to halve their completion date by half. While heating up beakers suspended over the tops of Bunsen burners, Chief scientest Ivan Ivanovic noticed that by simply throwing Kasparov in prison, he was able to bypass entire volumes of logic and argument in MEDVEDev's programming, and virtually eliminate the need for chess, and indeed, Kasparov in general. Though the need for a robotic chess prodigy had thus diminished, the project was not abandoned. Putin handed the team a slightly modified briefing, this time detailing that MEDVEDev himself become their presidential candidate, based on a ground-breaking theorum he had devised: In+Mother^Russia=(President*votes^for-YOU), later revised slightly to create more coherency: (President*votes^FOR-you).

First Mission

Though many in the development team had voiced concerns that Medvedev wasn't quite convincing enough, and that his personality files had only rudimentry functionality at the time, they were hastily escorted behind the building and shot like dogs. Eventually a general consensus was reached that despite a few superficial glitches, Medvedev was ready for deployment.

For the most part, it seemed to gradually be paying off. Medvedev had mastered complex Russian social protocols, such as frowning, glaring, and wanting to die and take everybody else with him. Anxiety grew amongst his minders as the months past however, due to an apparently malfunction speech circuit - which was to say that it didn't seem to be functioning at all. According Putin's reasoning however, it was calculated that the need for such a speech unit was diminished by three factors, all working equillibriously: A. Nobody Wants to hear a Russian speak, B. Russian is all just made-up anyway and C. Nobody wants to hear to sound of a Russian speaking. He was clear to point out that while point A and C are essentially the same point, their importance is encompassing enough that mathematically, the two concepts can exist as polarities of each other while still essentially maintaining their congruency. Thus, it was deduced that repairs to Medvedev's speech unit would be unecessary, as killing journalists does not require the employment of vocal articulation