User:Fredd The Mahmauscher/Bio

May I have your attention please ladies and gentlemen misses! Introducing for the first time on Uncyclopædia, the long awaited messiah superstar... Meet the Mahm00shA (better clap your hands now unless you want a fuckload of grues hanging around your home, which you dont)

introduction

He is the one, the only, the great: Reverened "His Unholiness" Mahm00shA (evilus globus dominatus ultimatus), the god of Evil.. He is the gangbanger headbanger, kitten-huffer, first person shooter, necromancer, prostate cancer, Hitler, headbanger, metalhead(er), metaller, big boner, ... And pretty much any meaningless shit along that rhyme

ethymology

"Mahm00shA" is the modern English translation for the middle-Orcish proverb (a'argh ou'unik ekata'aght t nv'asswk u tcheb mo' th'erf uc'ker u c'oc ks'uc ker ja'burr marzut esha tcheb a'argh t ma'st u'r ba't e) , literally he-whose-name-ye-ought-not-to-utter, or-else-a-grue-devoureth-thee, urinateth-upon-thee, maketh-thee-eat-feces, hacketh-off-thy-phallus, teareth-thy-testicles-to-bits, cracketh-open-thy-skull, smasheth-thy-teeth, gougeth-out-thy-eyes, hacketh-off-thy-limbs, and-throweth-thy-mutilated-body-towards-the-heavens-mocking-Ra.

early days and childhood

A rare picture of baby Mahm00shA, the guy who shot it was brutally and inhumanely decapitated 3 minutes later.

Once upon a time, there was a couple called mom and dad living happily everafter somewhere, then Mahm00shA was born to them in the year 1991 second age or something.. The document containing those unimortant details such as the exact date of birth and shit was used as toilet paper (you dont to know who did that, trust me).. As for the whereabouts of His birth, it was reportedly somewhere in Gondor, Minas Tirith southern suburbs according to the last time I checked Google Middle Earth , but now He dwells in the house.. of the Lord.. forever Ægyptüs because His job -Ægyptüsian god of Evil- requires Him to live within, at most, 5 lightyears from His abyss office..

Anyway, back to the story of His childhood, verily, for it was indeed a unique story of a unique Child! At the age of 3 weeks, lo, He started doing what no baby dared to do before.. yep, thats right, He invented the shit-in-da-diapers thing which gained widespread popularity among babies as it was much easier than crawling all the way to the WC and climbing up on the shitter, shitting, then cleaning the mess with TP.

His star began to shine high in the sky by the age of 1 year, when He did another marvelous deed, He said it loud and clear: Ma Ma and Da Da, and His wise words were met by cheers and whistles from the loving crowds.

When He turned 2, He proved for the world, for the first time, that humans dont need their upper/fore limbs for walking and that their fingers could instead be used for fingering each others asses, doing the \m/ at metal gigs, pocket-lifting, pressing shiney red buttons, holding items as pens (an obsolete tool used for writing), forks (an obsolete tool that has galactic fleets and will dominate the universe), knives (an obsolete tool used for hacking off phalluses) and DUALSHOCK 3 controllers (a not-so-obsolete tool used by mindless fools to pwn other mindless fools also using it).

At the age of 4 He found Himself in a dangerous place full of monsters, dragons, ghouls, ghosts, cross-eyed children, lolipops, vomit, smelly diapers and various abominations, a place only the bravest of the brave would dare to enter; Kinder Garten. There, He saw the world the way it really is, something that changed His attitude towards life, and at this point His evil inner soul began to take over him..

At the age of 7, He left high school, and decided making His own living shoplifting stores.. He shoplifted Metallica's Kill 'em All, from an obsecure record store for an easy start, and later when He shoplifted a 7.1 sound system from RadioShack and listened to the CD, He was stunned by its musicmanship so He backed off from his life of crime, and turned to heavy metal instead.. He formed His symphonic-epic-orchestral-hardcore-speed-melodic-mighty-suomi-alternative--NWOBHM-groove-heavy-power-black-goth-extreme-death-progressive-thrash metal-of-glorious-gods-of-ægyptüs band, "Amun Ra" (to be confused with Amon Amarth) that has been ruling the metal scene since then, at the age of 10.

Then He suddenly felt like wanting to be a junior minor god of Evil so He applied for the job in a local newspaper and was accepted. Refer to the next section for the rest of His history.

the present

Mahm00shA, day time

Mahm00shA, full moon

He works currently -and has been for æons- for a company called Ægyptüsian Dieties, Ltd., He is a god of Evil -as mentioned before- though a minor one.. You see, He applied for the big post long before Set but Set bribed Ra with a shitload of kittens and became the major god of Evil.. However, Set is retiring soon and Ra is holding elections for the gonna-be vacant post, it is His chance for the promotion but only if Ra isnt already high on kittens that day. Once He becomes The Big Boss of Evil, He will start His noble quest to dominate free the world from emos, chavs, nu metallers, ninjas, pirates, Flying Spaghetti Monsters, n00bs, cops, homos, darkness and ultimately, grues...

the future

Uh... Umm... Errr... Oh, Ra-dammit, the crystal ball is broken, and the battery is dead too... Now His Unholiness must wait for 908 years till the guys at Thoth Electronics, Inc. fix it... Maybe then He can tell you the future.

Mahm00shA, in the future, wearing wierd clothes and a mask of an animal He doesnt even know, posing as a warrior god

accomplishments

• He has been huffing 3 kittens everyday for 5089 days now
• He farted
• He armpit-farted
• He burped, nay, farted on His girlfriend's nose
• He hath done thy mother and she giveth Him a mighty boner
• He survived a joint ninja-pirate assault, inflicted heavy casualties on them and lived to tell the tale (but no, He wont tell you).
• He ate a grue (in Soviet Russia)
• He started the two world wars (please, dont tell anybody about it, He surely didnt mean to press the shiney red button)
• He assassinated Ronald mcDonald John F. Kennedy
• He shat Himself.. Huh? I didnt say that! Never mention it or He will let loose some ninjas around my place
• And finally and most importantly, He AAAA, AA A AAAAA¿ AAA AAAA AAAAAAA¡