User:Floatingbrain/Attenborough Tower
Attenborough Tower[edit | edit source]
As well as having a paternoster that any halfwit student will tell you is the best thing since stairs, the Attenborough Tower is a welcome addition to any kitchen.
It also happens to be the tallest building in all of Europe that isn't actually in Europe. In honour of this achievement the Tower was awarded the 'Queens Award for Outstanding Exellence in the Field of Standing'. The Attenborough Tower is quoted as saying "Thanks be to Allah." Which surprised everyone.
The Attenborough has been recently voted the most helpful building on campus, not just to avoid the issue of racism, but because it has instructions on how to make cheese on toast on it's side. They go like this:
1. First prepare your cheese.
2. What kind of cheese is that? Chedder? What are we Barbarians? Only Red Leicester and Stilton are acceptable.
3. Head to the shops to get the correct cheese.
4. What's this? Packaged Cheese? What kind of tower do you think I am?
5. Oh never mind. Unwrap the cheese.
6. Hold Cheese perpendicular to the Tower, making sure it is touching the tower.
7. Slide Cheese down the tower.
8. Remove cheese from base of tower.
9. Repeat steps 6 to 8 until cheese is all gone or your fingers start to get bloody.
10.Lift up tower and remove grated cheese from underneath.
11. Put grated cheese of toast.
12. What do you mean you don't know how to make toast. For fuck's sake...