User:Executive/Sandbox/Psych ward
Have you ever wondered why your life has no meaning? Have you ever heard voices telling bad things all day, all night? Have you ever desired to make sex with a vacuum cleaner? Well you are in the right place! I am a qualified psychiatrist and I will guide you through this wall of words that will be your safe-house, do not worry though, here you can be whoever you might want!
Presentation[edit | edit source]
At this point you are in the emergency ward, how you got there is not our first question, anyway you are injured but you do not recall how this happened, you are probably confused and terrified. At some point the doctor will look you with fear and call immediately two or more guards to watch you constantly. As soon as they arrive, a specialist will visit you. He or she will engage in a conversation with you while the nurse sedate you just in case, after the interview you will finally get in… get in this magical realm called “psych ward”, even if we prefer the term “Special-for-no-reason-depressing-as-hell-and-without-exit-ward”, it is more appropriate and cute.
Inside[edit | edit source]
Inside you find a whole new world! People crashing heads or other body parts against the wall while other screaming nonsense, some dirty as shit and some other even smelly, in all of this you find yourself abandoned by the nurse who meanwhile is in urgency to block one patient that is trying to fly from the table, after a while you are ambushed by a doctor that invites you to drink your second cocktail made of: a pinch of antipsychotics, a pinch of antidepressants and a bunch of sedatives. You no longer feel needs of any kind and start to feel better but arguably worst then the day before. Your room has been decided to be the same in which a maniac for nudity reside from long time ago, he surely wants to see you nude but in gentle reply you offer your phone with pornhub premium account, he will begone to the toilette the next 6 hours. I advise to wash your phone as soon as possible. Now you and your roommate are ready for what the psych-ward may have to offer, like the broken room-tv set in chinese dialect thought to be extinct.
A day inside:[edit | edit source]
A glorious sun is rising to extinguish the darkness cast by god to remember that every present come with a price. Obviously you are still sleepy due to the drugs in your blood and because the lights never change inside the psych ward, nothing really change here. The nurse kindly wake up you with a loud scream and a fiery voice, it is time for breakfast. The food tastes funny and have the same smell as the forniture, but you are hungry VERY hungry so you finish and ask the only girl in the ward if you can eat her breakfast too, she consent because you asked politely and because she suffers from a serious case of anorexia, she will die few days later, apparently her breakfast was the only thing keeping her alive. During the morning you face medical interviews about yourself and the actions that brought you here, you cannot understand clearly due to the drugs in your system, by the way for this reason your medication will increase due to the fact that you are not responsive enough, maybe you have ADHD. Lunch is ready! Wow, with your new medications (ADHD) you do not feel hunger anymore so you refuse to eat, at your third refusal you are welcomed to be feed intravenously, luckily you have very delicate vessels so you can feel pain during all the procedure! I envy you! In the afternoon you are eligible for group therapy that culminates with you desperate about your dad and/or mother due to the therapist questions. Once a day during afternoon you are allowed to receive visit by your parents or siblings, so they can give you cigarettes even if you never smoked, you will smoke from today. Past the afternoon you are relaxing on your bed, suddenly your roommate ask for more, more nudity so you leave him alone in the room with your pornhub account, the day is still long. The afternoon ends with group activities where a psychopath tries to kill you with a pair of pencils, you probably spoke badly about Michael Jackson. Finally the dinner is served, the food resemble trash put together and warmed but remembering the intravenous treatment before, you eat everything like it was real good. The dinner is finished and you are approached by the nurse who administrate you with the night therapy, after your refusal you will be forced to take pills in a new peculiar way, the anal one. Finally you go to your room where you find your roommate completely naked, screaming: I’am sexy and you know it! You for instance remain calm but after his hand moving towards you, precisely after your genitalia, you urge the call for a nurse, you will sleep with an eye open during all your permanence.
A night inside:[edit | edit source]
It is dark outside, you do not even see a thing but starting to be frustrated by the broken neon lamp outside the room. You feel fuzzy and your energy are fading, you try to sleep but the maniac do not so you keep watching him. Tired of not being tired enough, your mind suggest you one cigarette and a long walk through the corridor, all feel the same, same rooms, same stories and perhaps same trouble... you reach the infirmary, here known as "Bar"... surprisingly a man called doc with two nurses try to help you with the so mythic "Therapy as needed", but you hesitate remembering how miserable you were during the day, no thanks, somehow i'll sleep for sure...
you keep moving side to side and nothing, your body decide not to sleep, why?! The doctor should have explained to you that this and other advert effects may evolve especially during night-time, but you were simply too drug to think lucidly for asking or he stated all of this during one of the four interviews you had but you were also drugged, o well it does not matter anymore! Your brain realize that you need sleep but also that you cannot sleep so it begins a duel between brain and you, we all know that this will culminate without a winner but maybe the self may survive or flee first, in any case you will experience a state of dream that will be interrupted by your favorite morning nurse.
Types of guests[edit | edit source]
In the ward you may find some regular guests that are popular in every psych ward of the planet, these are the main protagonists of the ward.
Depressed patient[edit | edit source]
From mild depression to severe bipolar disorder, this kind of patient do not talk too much and always thinks about reality in a negative way so negative that everything coming in touch will fade to nothing, abandon all hope for those nearby, one patient was so depressed that the lights committed suicide. The depressed patients are also used as punchball by the psychopath who mistakenly thinks they are all objects that some time move. Generally there is no hope for them, well there is one but they never see it.
Maniac patient[edit | edit source]
This kind of patient defy some social tabù, sometime this patient is god other the devil and sometimes even mythological creatures like Elon Musk. With this patient you can talk but expect the worse, this patient do not use violence because capable to destroy you with his/her mind, nevertheless the maniac is very intriguing due the fact that he/she possesses unique stories. The maniac is in some degree opposite to the depressed and if put together, like positive and negative charge they generate electricity, the entire ward rely on this phenomena.
ADHD[edit | edit source]
Every ward has this type of patient, they simply are the most uncontrollable individuals and if you reach the psych ward for peace of mind, beware of them! They move a lot, when they suddenly stop it means they are even more sick then before. I cannot understand why it does not exist a different ward for these patients, for them being restrained is like coking with botulinum toxin, useless and dangerous.
Schizophrenic patient[edit | edit source]
The most well defined category so far. Usually people that ears or perceives messages from god/aliens/alien god etc… this patient is not dangerous if he/she knows that the voices are just thoughts but maybe a little more scary if not treated. This patients are often depicted as dangerous criminals but in reality for the major part they arm themselves or the dress hanger mistaken for the great evil serpent.
Unknown Psychosis[edit | edit source]
Patient that suffer from unknown pathology are firstly bombarded with every pill on the medical inventory and left for several weeks in the ward to be “cured” and sometimes studied as new medical material. Usually what is treated is the consequence and not the cause, so often they will be hospitalized again shortly. This kind of patients are very unpredictable and maybe dangerous.
Paranoid patient[edit | edit source]
He/she is the cherry of the cream that the ward may offer, this patient is usually scared by every authorities possible and do not want to be treated because the treatment is usually made to kill or incapacitate him/her. They may appear hostile but after a bunch of happy pills everything becomes fine.
How to get out[edit | edit source]
If you ever have been in this particular place you for sure know that is easy to get in but highly difficult to get out. Usually the only way to get out consist in appropriate behavior and follow the rules made day by day by the staff and remember always be nice to the doctors. For what to do in case you want to go out but in a more choreographic way, follow the instructions below and may god be merciful with you.
Emergency[edit | edit source]
In this scenario you the patient recreate an emergency, like a fire or a flood to possibly get out. One patient once set himself on fire and running through the corridor like a superhero, ended with his face against the door. He then excused himself saying that the ambient was cold very cold. Another one made the entire ward under few centimeters of water just leaving the shower opened. After that he explained that he just wanted to go to Venice so he brought a little Venice to all the ward.
Fake death[edit | edit source]
This one is very unpopular due to the fact that you may get out just to awake in the morgue, the instant before your autopsy. It happened once and the patient is now cured... with death, apparently when you dissect a living healthy human, he/she tends to die, this is a very profound medical knowledge that i noted on my phone.
You are a doctor/visitor[edit | edit source]
A valid solution may be faking a role. One patient of mine took my coat and with serenity walked to the door asking to go out, she were blocked because she is not a man around his fifty. The most fascinating case that happened was one twin that change his place with his other brother, for our assurance policy if you are a twin we usually hospitalize both.
Conclusions[edit | edit source]
As a doctor I assure you that psych ward may be a place for you mr./miss <insert name here>, I think you suffer from a case of mild post traumatic stress, so please follow me to the nearest hospital and fear not, you will be good as new after a while. Do not be afraid, you will leave our structure as soon as possible or as soon as I remember where I put your medical record…