User:Elite Lord Sigma/Latias
“I am going to Fucking Kill™ Latias.”
“She takes care of foo's, so I can spend my time pounding them into next week!”
“Easy money.”
“C'mon! Everybody knows that I am way cooler tha-AAAAAARGHHHH! MY SPLEEN!”
“A promising rookie.”
“Ha! I could take her!”
“OMG SHE, LIEK SUXXORZ!!1!1!”
“Best. Assassin. Ever.”
“My equal in every way.”
Background[edit | edit source]
Latias is a Pokémon assassin hired by Nintendo to take down its enemies. She is the twin sister of Latios, and is one of the most efficient assassins ever. She was born in Altomare around 1492 B.C., but she has long since left that place. Her hobbies include murdering Jack Thompson, getting into shouting matches with Steve Ballmer, and being 1337. As a PKMN Assassin, all Latias does is assassinate Jack Thompson, and now trying to take control of Microsoft.
Latias and Steve Ballmer[edit | edit source]
Latias is one of Steve Ballmer's worst enemies, as she is employed by Nintendo, the rival of Ballmer's Microsoft. The two are often assigned unknowingly on the same person, so they often meet up in violent brawls that destroy entire cities. It was one of these fights in which Latias used the power of the Soul Dew to cause a giant explosion, destroying the entire city of Hiroshima. Nintendo then bribed the U.S. government to make sure that the incident wouldn't be made public.
Latias and Jack Thompson[edit | edit source]
Latias is often hired to kill Jack Thompson, as he is an imbecile with stupid opinions. The battles are usually boring and anticlimatic, and usually go something like this:
Jack Thompson: YOU AGAIN! Go away, or else!
Latias: *sigh* *uses Psychic to lift Jack*
Jack Thompson: Wait, what are you doing? AAAAARGHHHH!
Latias: Meh.
Needless to say, Latias is very skilled at this type of execution. She normally kills him with either a Mist Ball to the face or impaling him on a spike with Psychic. She has grown quite wealthy off of killing him, as she has assassinated him 20,356,132 times to date.