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Eric Schlosser

Eric Schlosser (date of birth unknown) Author of the best seller "Fat Ass Nation", which simultaneously won the "Funniest Amalgamated Anecdotes Award," and the "Least Erotic Book Ever Written Award." This success came after a long career of failed attempts to write shocking exposés that would capture public interest. He is currently residing in the back room of the mythical Golden Wendy's, where he continues his life's work of trying to erase all proof of his childhood from public records in an effort to seem more mysterious (much like Batman).

Bio

Schlosser's exact origins are unknown to anyone but himself, due in part to his efforts to conceal information about his childhood. Some theologians claim that Eric Schlosser created himself, but these rumors are described by top scientists at NASA as "Completely retarded." One thing that is known about Schlosser's infancy is that he was born with two extra sets of arms which were removed shortly after his birth and donated to disabled veterans of the Korean War. This is only know due to the four large scars and the unusual bone structure of his upper torso which he was unable to hide from People Magazine's notorious "X-Ray Paparazzi."

Due to his mysterious infancy, Schlosser's biographical information begins when he was 8 years old. Even at an early age, his predisposition to be nosy was getting him a lot of attention in the media after he uncovered a ring of heroin smugglers operating out of his 3rd grade class. From there, young Schlosser moved on to bigger dreams. At the age of eleven, he became dedicated to his dream of someday becoming the next Batman; a dream that he held onto until he was 23 years old. Upon finding out that Batman was fictional, Schlosser entered Med-school to become a Gynecologist, but flunked out within three weeks.

After his failure as a medical student, Schlosser went back to his initial talents as an investigative journalist, and remains dedicated to that career path to this day.

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Career

Schlosser's career only really took off after his exposé bestseller, Fat Ass Nation, but before that he had written a number of less successful exposés, such as his report on the conditions of New Jersey's public beaches entitled, "Where the Poop Goes," or his nauseating investigation of the Indianapolis Public Schools free lunch program entitled, "Teacher, There's a Fetus in my Soup."

List of Most Notable Works

--Where the Poop Goes (1993)

--Teacher, There's a Fetus in my Soup! (1995)

--Lordy Lord, I Sure Am Bored! (1998)

--Chicken Poodle Soup? (2000)

--Fat Ass Nation (2001)

--Dungeonmaster 20:54, 4 August 2007 (UTC)