User:Death Itself
“I've dodged him for years, only to run into him at the supermarket the other day. I told him not to kill me, and he didn't. He said I'd already died. Then I told him that I was still alive and we had a good laugh about the whole thing”
Death Itself, the misunderstood freedom fighter[edit | edit source]
Born right after the first thing that ever lived was born, Death Itself was immeadiately misunderstood for his brute and often unpredictable actions. For eons, Death Itself has acted as nature's garbage man, taking away the ugly, old and sick of the world. He has often been attacked for such "murder" or "innocent human life" with "beauty" and "a universal life force."
To which Death Itself always replies: Bull Shit
I mean, how would like a world full of ugly old people or useless cripples. Christ, Death Itself is doing a huge favor for the world. Yeah, sure, he has to kill the beautiful from time to time. But hey, he immortalizes them at the same time. Have you heard anyone say what a crappy president JFK was? Didn't think so.
Things you ungrateful "live lovers" never even considered... Bastards...[edit | edit source]
Ok, admittedly, Death Itself is kind of an acquired taste. Granted. But once you get to know the guy, you could really accept him and maybe even befriend him. Here are some facts about Death Itself you may not have known:
- Loves Pretty Things
- Behind all of those cool explosions on TV
- Big Fan of Contact Sports
- Part-owner of Google
- Catholic
- AMERICAN
- Winner of all wars
- Favorite TV Show: The Abortion Hour with Ted Kennedy.
Current Uncyclopedia Projects[edit | edit source]
All things religious.
All things cuddly.
All things end in Death.
Contributions (You're Welcome)[edit | edit source]
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
Death itself is a real mean dude.