User:DarkOverlordSatan

Dark Overlord, Ruler of Hell, Spawn of God's turd, and classic child's story to scare your children who would much rather be a knight into the church.

Hi there and nice to meet you! This website has been turned into another way for me to slowly drag your soul to hell. Don't worry, its a painless process. It just kind of leaves you in a vegetable state. Did I mention I'm a vegetarian? Really, raw meat gives me gas.

As you should know my life consists of waking up everyday, torturing the common unfortunate soul, having breakfast, and then twisting your lives around in an attempt to bring you slowly closer to my searing clutches. The bad thing is that I don't get vacations. The good thing is that I work 9 to 5. And I get to hate Oprah. Not many people can do that.

If I'm trying to get your soul, then why do I just come out and say it, you would ask. Well you see, 1. Your probably are going to think its a joke. 2. If it is your destiny to be dragged to Hell it will be controlled by forces you have no power over. Basically if your meant to go to hell, your going to hell. No matter what you do, you'll screw something up. If your a priest its child molestation. Oprah? She's actually one of us. Yeah sure she made a school in Africa and helps counsel tons of people. But ever heard of the sin gluttony? Yeah, she's spreading it around nice and thickly. So basically where ever you run or hide, whatever you do to try to banish me, your gonna go to hell. Knowing this, please don't over react. It really gives me indigestion when my food squirms.

The Seven Deadly Sins and You

Now what, you may ask, are the seven deadly sins? The seven deadly sins are a set of rules that the church set up to send any non god fearing zealot into hell's clutches. This list was only approved by God in the 1970s, when he was passing by for some tea with Jesus. Now 90% of the world's population are sent down to me, while 9% get sent to limbo. With this new found knowledge, wouldn't it be great to know how it affects you?

First, a list of those good purging sins. 1. Gluttony No eating too much! Save some of that food for the children of Africa. Oops your getting paid too much. Bye bye, here's your one way ticket to hell Bernie Madoff. 2. Lust See that girl in that corner? Doesn't she look so good? I mean, with her blond hair and her baby blue eyes and those luscious-- Oops! There you go again! See ya at work. 3. Greed You really want that promotion huh? Then you can get a real house and be able to support a family with that lovely vixen called your girl friend. Then you can afford to eat out at somewhere nice, not at Wendy's. Come on, you need to get that promotion! Here's your ticket, retard. 4. Sorrow Did your grandmother just die? She was the best person in your life, wasn't she. I remember when her and your grandfather taught you how to fish. That was the first day you caught a fish. You remember her smiling face as she gripped your hands tighter around the fishing rod, helping you reel in that nice tuna. Oh, and here's the ticket to the after party. Just hang yourself to get there. 5. Wrath GAAAAAGH!! Here you go, I bet this piece of paper will calm you down. If not, then go kill a baby! 6. Vanity/Glory You've finally gotten that promotion, you've bought a mansion, you're married to the girl of your dreams and you just feel wonderful. You can't wait to show off to your friends. I know where they are! Just take this ticket and use it to board the Midnight train to Moscow. I swear dude your not drunk. Far from it actually. 7. Pride See vanity above.

My House

Hello and welcome to my crib. Seeing how all you people at MTV have somehow made mistakes in your lives I've made your job a lot easier and just allowed you to hear about my place, so you don't need to rush into hell to get to the sickest place ever. I think.

Well in the main room we have the slippery stair case to heaven. That's right, your only three steps away from heaven! But can you get up those stairs? Well you can try. I wouldn't advise it. To the right you see the Never Ending Corridor of Doom. Behind each door is the private hell of every person who ever came here. To the left you can see the main lunch room and our favorite room, the coffee break room. So what do you wanna see first? Never Ending Corridor of Doom it is then!

Behind this door we have fire. Behind this one there's some poor old guy getting whipping by a lot of demons. Over here there's more fire. Here we have Freddy Mercury's private Hell. A love that guy. Hate how he has to suffer like that, what with all the alternative rock and shit. I'm gonna let two of you guys take film of the rest of the corridor while I lead these guys over to the cafeteria.

OK, so in the cafeteria we have some great stuff. We have flame broiled Alaskan Salmon, roasted turkey, seared Cornish hen with a small side of cucumber dip with avocado and Spanish rice. We have slow cooked BBQ ribs that fall off of the bone. Yeah, the food is really good here. But nobody but me and the Demons get to eat it. Everybody else just gets to stare.

And then finally we have the coffee break room. In one corner you can see the entrance to Dante's Inferno, part of The Divine Comedy. On the other side you have the coffee machine and the showers. Directly in front of you you can find the beds. So, that's my crib, and see you next time!