User:CroSpartacus
"Uhhhhhh...he asked us if we carried sugar." - Tim on Mr. Sullen
"He is the face of evil" ~ Mitt Romney on Mr. Sullen
"Ovo je dobro" ~ Mr. Sullen when drinking gasoline
"I loved it when I sold him the Comcast premium package. But I was not too happy when he also purchased subscriptions from our competitors as well!" '~ Comcast Salesman on Mr. Sullen
Mr. Sullen(also known as "Petar's Dad") is a Croatian Ustasa supporter responsible for the genocide of thousands of French Protestants (Huguenots) in Croatia. He arrived to the United States to escape his war crimes and is infamously known for his violent behavior during church services. Theologians are still debating whether or not to label Mr. Sullen a Roman Catholic because of his attempt to overthrow his pastor and establish his own church with him as supreme pope. When he is not vandalizing church property or physically assaulting Eucharistic ministers, he is frequently seen at Jewel/Osco buying deli meat in his old, dusty cardigan sweater. Depending on ones own perspective, Mr. Sullen is either labeled insane or evil.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Little is known of Mr. Sullen's childhood because his records were destroyed during the great fire of the library in Alexandria. The earliest sources we have of Mr. Sullen's early life record him serving with Tito's partisans in World War II Yugoslavia. Mr. Sullen earned several medals fighting the Croatian Ustase (Who wanted to bring fashion to poorly dressed Croatian males)He rose in rank to become a prominent military captain, but left the partisan movement when he found out that they did not care much about fashion. Tito made fun of Mr. Sullen for the remainder of the war for joining a movement he knew nothing about. "I did not sign up for the partisans not knowing what I was signing," replied Mr. Sullen, "The recruitment officer told me wrong information." For the remainder of the war, Mr. Sullen worked for the Ustase as a butler and toilet cleaner.
After the war, Mr. Sullen had an ambition to become pope. This caused him to murder thousands of French Protestants, called Huguenots, to catch the attention of the Vatican. He used former partisan war buddies to organize lynchings all across Yugoslavia. The Vatican condemned Mr. Sullen's killings. Surprised that he was not going to be rewarded, Mr. Sullen held great animosity towards anyone in church with more power than him. His killing spree sparked a trend towards "rock and roll" in Yugoslavia because he wore tight jeans and a Hawaiian shirt every day. Reminiscing on his past, Mr. Sullen said "Those were the best times of our lives, the summer of 69'"
Mr. Sullen in the US[edit | edit source]
Mr. Sullen came to the United States in order to escape an arrest warrant for murder, theft, and grand theft auto. He rose to prominence in the local parish church attaining the title of Eucharistic minister. His great ambition to become pope never ceased, and this led him to perform acts of violence against any parishioner he deemed a threat. Many Eucharistic ministers suffered death threats and the vandalism of their cars from Mr. Sullen. Mr. Sullen has been excommunicated from the Vatican, but this did not prevent him from continuing to attend church services as if nothing ever happened.
He gave birth to two sons who he exploits through forced labor. Under the guise of renovating the basement, Mr. Sullen has been building a torture chamber for Roman Catholics and French Protestants. He has water-boarded several intellectuals including Dr. Bionic. Because water-boarding is not considered torture per-say, no lawsuit could be filed against Mr. Sullen.
Controversies[edit | edit source]
Unhealthy Diet[edit | edit source]
Mr. Sullen has engaged in several forms of unusual behavior including an unhealthy diet, carrying unusual objects with him, and disturbing the peace.
Mr. Sullen eats a high sugar low nutrient diet. His main source of food is raw sugar, consumed in large quantities throughout the day along with chocolate syrup, coffee grains, jalapeno peppers, flour, and candle wax. He has reported to the doctor several times complaining of low energy, stomach pains, and nausea. When the doctor recommended he follow a better eating habit, Mr. Sullen replied that the problem was not related to his diet. He is infamous for hosting dinner parties, where his guests are served a bowl of sugar, bacon grease, and salt water. After trying to have a bonfire indoors, Mr. Sullen has been on probation from hosting any more dinner parties due to safety concerns.
Mr. Sullen also washes his face in boiling water, trying to mimic the "hot towel" given to people at airlines, and this has caused his face to remain red with scars. People have also reported that Mr. Sullen carries hard boiled eggs inside his shirt pocket.
Drugs[edit | edit source]
Several people claim that Mr. Sullen is under the influence of heavy drugs. At a carnival, many witnessed Mr. Sullen cough out blue smoke while vomiting violently. This has caused police to investigate Mr. Sullen's property for any signs of illegal substances.
Mr. Sullen also buys bags of air believing it is part of a healthy diet. The Vatican is currently investigating Mr. Sullen's sanity.
Employment[edit | edit source]
Mr. Sullen works in a factory where he manually inserts half/half coffee cream in the small cream packets used in restaurants. He does the same process for 12 hours a day. He also has a night job where he cleans the antenna of the Sears Tower climbing a rope ladder.