User:Cradle of Borgir/Sodexho
Sodexho are a group of assasins disguised as a food and cleaning company. They have wiped out a large fraction of the population with their poisonous food. They are even selling food to schools, and work places so in the last 20 years your chance of dying a school or work has risen from a 40% chance to a 95% chance. If you are fortunate enough to survive after eating one of their uncooked, lumpy and radioactive mashed potatoes, they now serve food in hospitals as well, to finish off any survivors.
Sodexho Information[edit | edit source]
| Founded | Last Monday |
| Area Served | Goxhill Roundabout |
| Profit | £26.40 |
| Employees | 7 (Excluding the Phantom chocolate fountain) |
| Slogan | Making every lunch a living hell |
| Meat supplier | Sweeney Todd |
A Famous Tradgedy caused by Sodexho[edit | edit source]
Poor Alexander Litvinenko went to have a cup of tea at his loacal Sodexho cafe. He had only had two sips of his tea and then left. Radiation from the tea infected his body and killed him. Sodexho tried to shift the blame from them to Russia,which was relatively easy since everyones doing that. Unfortunately they suceeded, and Sodexho were not blamed, despite the fact that there are 5,000 other people that have "mysteriously" died after drinking Sodexho tea.
Other Tragedies caused by Sodexho[edit | edit source]
Jeff Robinson[edit | edit source]
Poor Jeff, all he wanted to do was to try some Sodexho tomato soup, but the radiation caused great mutations which rapidly got out of control.
Ernald Eyley[edit | edit source]
Ernald thought he'd treat himself to some sodexho spaghetti on toast. He had no idea it would lead to him becoming a lawn mower. However in an exclusive interview Ernald said, "This is the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm the local hero. I mow everyones lawns for free! I absolutely love it."
Quotes by Sodexho Staff[edit | edit source]
"The printers, the printers you don't know what they're thinking." Member of Sodexho food Staff.
"Is this about the Genocide, or the overdue Library books?" Mr Blobby, high ranking Sodexho official.
"Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" Sodexho "chef" after accidently eating a slice of his own pie.
"One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Sodexho staff member.
"I get paid f**k all for this f**king job, and now they tell me I'm radioactive." Sodexho food tester.
"I spent the first 20 years of my life in the British Lunatic asylum for psychotic individuals, the condition got so bad Sodexho asked me if I'd like to work for them." Member of Sodexho staff.
"Mooooooooooooooooooooooo!." Head Sodexho manager.
" I swear, that those school children were dead and mutated before they entered our Sodexho cantine." Sodexho manager speaking at Crown Court Case when he was being accused of mass murder.
Advantages of Having a Place like Sodexho in this World[edit | edit source]
There must be someone in your life at the moment who you really hate. Whether it be your ex, or your mother in law, Sodexho are here to help with their step by step guide.
1. Ask your enemy if they would like to have a "nice" meal out with you. Tell them, you're paying.
2. Take them to the nearest Sodexho Cantine. Top Tip: Bring a towel to hold over your nose to prevent you from inhaling any of the toxic fumes.
3. When the waiter comes, prompt your enemy to buy certain things. E.g. "Oh look, the mutated crabs eggs, and the skinned cats head look tasty." If they do not listen to your advice do not worry too much, whatever they eat they will probably end up dead.
4. When the food arrives let them begin to eat the food, they will probably go unconscious after the first mouthful, however I do know someone who managed to eat 3 bites of Sodexho spaghetti on toast before they went unconscious (see Ernald Eyley).
5. Phone an ambulance to look like you are innocent and trying to save them. There is nothing the hospital can do for them then, they will either die or begin mutating within 10 seconds afterwards.
6. If you want to make sure that they don't survive, just tip the bowel of Sodexho soup into their mouth when no one is looking. WARNING: If you do take this approach, make sure you get away quickly as this will give off enough radiation to kill the whole of London.
Exclusive Interview with Sodexho cook: Marjorie Lovett[edit | edit source]
Interviewer: When did you start working at Sodexho?
Lovett: I started working at Sodexho when I was 22.
Interviewer: What were your first impressions of Sodexho?
Lovett: I was very shocked. Sodexho seemed to be producing more dead bodies than food.
Interviewer: How long have you been working for Sodexho?
Lovett: I have been working for Sodexho for 5 years.
Interviewer: What is the most extraordinary thing you have seen whilst working for Sodexho?
Lovett: I once saw someone take a bite of a Sodexho Steak and Kidney (Human flesh) pie, and then their head melted.
Interviewer: How has working for Sodexho affected your health?
Lovett: I now have 4 arms, 7 legs, 6 tentacles and 3 months to live.