User:Codonrotton/Peter Andre

The Early Years

Paul was very proud of his new son, but wanted it kept hush hush

In the mid Eighty's Peter Andre was discovered washed up on a beach in Brighton. A young and confused teen at the time had no recollection of who he was, the only clue to his identity being his australian accent. This sparked an immediate campaign to discover where this young man had come from. After years of searching with no family or friends coming forward he was finally taken in by Paul McCartney, this was a secret arrangement made between Paul and Queen Elizabeth II. Peter had been in the Queens care for 2 years whilst waiting for his family to come forward. In his time with the queen he was subject to constant racial bullying from Prince Philip who would often beat the young peter with his slippers and made him sleep with the Corgi's. So it was thought he would be best with Paul.

Peter's bear dancing shows took bestiality to new heights

In his time spent with Paul he sadly learnt nothing about music which would go on to make him one of the biggest acts of the mid nineties. He was later asked where he got inspiration for his first big release Mysterious Girl, he told a reporter that it was about the mother he never knew, the mysterious girl he wanted to be close to was his mother. But this was taken differently by the teenage girls of the nineties and a star was born. Sadly for Peter this time in the spot light was short lived after he was found out to be a practicing bear dancing trainer. He was arrested in 1997 and severed 3 days in prison, the judge took into account he wasn't good at much in life, the bears he trained couldn't even do the robot!

After his 3 days of being raped constantly by inmates who were apparently paid by Prince Philip to cause pain to the young man who he saw as an escaped servant. But this was thrown out of court after Prince Charles assassinated the jury on orders of his father.

His comeback

Peter working with a mentally ill man who believes he's a doctor. Peter often dresses himself as a small boy in a wheelchair to give the retard some sense of self worth.

In 2004 Peter resurfaced a new a changed celebrity, although it is unsure wether this was the same Peter Andre from before or if this was a genetically engineered clone. As the new Peter on the scene seemed to have amazing abilities in being able to be appreciated by millions around the world. He is now seen more of a super hero then an annoying bear training bastard much to the delight of Paul and Elizabeth. After his come back people started to notice amazing things he could do, like talk to the retarded, transform into any animal thats in labour within a 20 foot radius and then give birth for that animal, he can grow his eyebrow hair to any length in an instant, he can discredit anyone who he's seen with, run vertically, eat a spoon of cinnamon and even travel anywhere he wants apart from Jamaica, where he is believed to be the devil after he caused all prostitutes on the island to gain self respect.

As Peters return to the spot light had him feeling like he might be the next messiah, he decided he must try follow the path of Jesus and spend sometime in the jungle. But being the rising celebrity he is, he decided he would do it all on a reality show, so he approached Simon Cowell, (then king of TV and all things beginning with 'G'). Simon put Peter in-touch with Tweedle-Ant and Tweedle-Dec, (the potato twins of ITV) and peter signed up to two weeks in the australian out back with other minor celebrities such as, Johnny Rotten, Kerry Cuntona, Lord Brocket the Pocket Rocket and Katie Price aka Jordan. Peter's two weeks in the jungle came with humungous enlightenment in so many aspects of his life. On his third day in the jungle Peter decided to go for a walk alone as he'd been experiencing some savage erection problems causing him to bleed from the tip. This was discovered to be brought on by witch craft from the tits out model Jordan.

Chief of the Wankalona tribe showing the world the statue he made himself from the bones of dead tribe members. He denies this is of his son, but you can quite clearly see it is

He spent two days alone in the jungle and lucky he did as he stumbled into an Aborigine tribe called the Wankalona Tribe, and they told Peter of a long lost son of the chiefs. This brought on many thoughts in Peters tiny brain, so he asked for an audience with the chief to ask more on the matter. So after 12hrs and enough hallucinogenic drugs to have kept the sixties going all the way through to nineties, they decided Peter was the chiefs long lost son. Although the chief did tell Peter he had not become the son he wanted an arrangement was made that the tribe would live off peters wealth and in exchange they would make a statue of peter to stand in the centre of their hood. Peter was so happy when he returned to camp that he decided he would marry the witch that gave him such a painful penis.

Return from the jungle

When Peter returned to the UK street parties where held on every street much to Peters delight, sadly he soon found out they were in honour of Queen Elizabeths 30th year going through the menopause.