User:Citizenc78/Gina G

Re: In traditional salesman wear, Gina G poses on an advertising banner for Ian Skelley in Warrington

“'I've never liked gingers much. Far too much trouble and always asking for a fight!!”

~ Öscar Wilde on Gina G

Gina G became beloved by all as the star of the UK reality TV show Used Car Salesman Factor. She is now assistant manager of the used car sales department of Gates in Letchworth dealing mainly in Fords, Mazdas and Mitsubishis. In a recent interview she hoped that her recent sales record would achieve that much needed 10% performance related pay rise.

Born from the Arse of a Cow?

Born in a church outside Walabomo in Australia, Gina G was already destined for fame as being born from the arse of a cow.

The story was picked up by local media in Australia as an unusual but not completely uncommon occurence. Many Australians have been said to have been born from the anus of a heffer including entertaining fat man Shane Warne, Copycat Killer Dannii Minogue & Skippy the Bush Cowarsegaroo.

School Years

Gina enjoys a "long smokey" (as the Australians call it) during her 15 minute authorised morning break.

Gina was taunted at school with such cruel names as "Sheila Cow Arse" "Big Bad Bea" & "Ginger Bollocks" for her likeness to Prisoner Cell Block H star Val Lehman.

It wasn't long before Gina packed her trunk and said goodbye to the Circus that was Walabomo and made her way to the UK to persue her dream of being a Used Car Salesman.

Used Car Salesman Factor Audition

Luckily for Gina, ITV we're desperate to find a new TV show that would brainwash the UK public into spending their hard earned cash on phone calls and text messages in order to make Television producers, slimey media whores, B list Celebrity Judges & one lucky member of the public rich and so Used Car Salesman Factor was born.

After several applications to the show under the pseudonyms Gina F, Gina P & Gina BHS, she finally made it to the Audition stage. No one would ever forget her performance trying to sell a Nissan Primera to Celebrity Judge Simon Cowell in her first Audition.

The Infamous "Nissan Primera: Boxey as Fuck" First Audition

Evil Gay Leprechaun, Mr Snapples' Slave & Simile Boy enjoy a quiet moment before ruining the deluded dreams of a retarded scally mother of three.

Gina: "Hiya, Right...Have I got a luverly deal for you. Nissan Primera. Nissan Primera, Metallic Azure Blue, 50000 miles on the clock yeah. Not a scratch on it I kid you not. It's y'know, a bit boxey...well it's boxey as fuck to be honest.....oh god I didn't mean to swear! I'm so sorry...I'm so nervous...I need another chance Sharon please Sharon Please Sharon Please Sharon Please Sharon Please Sharon Please Sharon. This is my dream. Please. Sharon. Sharon."

Simon: "I think we've heard enough. Louie?"

Louie: "Well you started really really lovely. I was interested in the car. It's a nice choice the primera, I wouldn't say it's boxey. It's more like a large metallic Walrus no? Maybe you could have said that?"

Gina: "I know I know..I'm sorry please please..I've come all the way from a cows arse. Please Sharon. Sharon. Sharon."

Simon: "It was like watching a horse frothing at the mouth after eating a rotten corn on the cob, which is to say it wasn't the worst audition we've seen, you did get the mileage spot on. Well..i think we're ready to make a decision."

Louie: "It's a big gay Irish teenage ball slapping Yes from me."

Simon: "I'm afraid it's like a No from me. So...No."

Sharon: "Oh don't make me choose, don't make me choose, make my idiot miniature dog choose, whaddya say Mr Snapples? Mr Snapples?...ok it's a yes now get out before Mr Snapples changes his mind."

Gina: "Thank you Mr Snapples!, Thank you...thank you thank you louie, sharon, Mr Snapples you won't regret it."

Simon later revealed, unsurprisingly with a simile, "Ginas story tugged at the heartstrings like a randy jack russell attempting to fornicate with a childs head." No one could disagree.

Used Car Salesman Factor Final

This Black and White Minstrel took losing badly and decided that the UK public should suffer as much as he did and promised to stay on television for the "rest of time".

Over the next few week Gina grew in confidence and reached the final of Used Car Salesman with some stella performances including the now recorded version of Ford Mondeo Diesel 2.0 Litre Turbo for £1595 and a new set of tyres.

The final was performed in front of a live studio audience of children and their parrots. The other two finalists Ian "Beefy" Botham (selling a 2000 Vauxhall Astra, but misleading the judges by indicating that the car had 6 months MOT left when really it only had 4 left) and Ainsley "Mammy" Harriot performed well with his sale of a Land Rover Discovery, describing it's interior as "fumbling beige with a swish of the middle classes", but it was Gina who stole the show with her faultless sale of a Mercedes A Class 2005 with CD Player, Electric Windows and non-vibrating water bottle back support.

She won by a landslide...mostly due to the fact that she performed, as always, starkers.

Trivia

• Gina G is half breed Gina and half breed G.
• Gina G failed to resurrect her television career when hosting the new ITV afternoon game show "Balls up your bottom."
• Gina G collects hearts. She has a storage facility in Bath that keeps them at the required temperature of 28 degrees Fahrenheit. I sent her mine. She sent it back.
• Gina G won the 1995 Eurovision G contest in which she bitchslapped ho's and let her gat go a blat blat blat.