User:Chunkyguy/Real Indians

Real Indians

If you're here, it means you have already tried, Indians, and it implies that you're really looking for the real Indian, living in and out of a place called India. Did you got hit by one today?

For ages the South Asian part of the planet has been continiously inhabited by the so called Indians People (not using the word Race, to avoid flame wars ending up this article being burned up and flushed down the toilet). According to various Hindu ancient sources, Indians have been living here ever since the creation of Universe. Recently, a team lead by Stephen Hawkings is investigating the fact if these people inhabited this place even before The Big Boom ( I mean the The Big Bang, but due to accelerated use of word "Bang" in porn sites, scientist are avoiding its use).

What do you do: to find one

If you haven't seen one, then please check what category you fall into:

1. Yes, I've been living under the rock, and it was huge! By huge I mean big or large. And yes I could hear voices from the outside, but I never told anyone because I had heard the story of Joan of Arc, and secondly there weren't much people living under the rock with me. We do have a strong community of people living under the rocks, but never ever do we live in families or groups.

2. I was born blind and deaf. If you weren't you could see all the filth Indians create around the places they live, and they have a very distinct way of pronouncing English words.

3. I was abducted by Aliens, and taken to strange place, and tortured by making me eat the best food I ever had, and making me drink the best of wine ever made and making me sleep naked with hundreds of gorgeous girls naked, and giving me tongue massage. But, the National Geographic won't make a story on me saying its too torturous, and graphically unsuitable for people who are stuck with families.

But, anyway since I'm in such a good mood today, I can give you tips on how to sense one. Try one of the followings (based on findings from various users who mail me on a personal email id that I can't give here, as its so much congested, that I'm getting hate mails (postal) from Internet Authorities):

1. Eat something new everyday, and when you hit something so spicy, that you could drink up all the water in the Nile River, and curse the day you were born. You are inside a Indian Restaurant !!

2. Take a stroll everyday, new way. (user's tip: UseDijkstra's algorithm to find all the ways around your place, if you're not living in crop circles), and keep your smelling sense open, and I don't think I need to tell you more. See a family of million living under one roof, with shit lying around everywhere, and kids like pigs dancing around naked, and you're 100 percent sure you're not dead and in hell, then most probably you are starting at a Indian family.

3. Even while you're stopped at the Red Signal, don't just honk the horn or stare are mammary gland of humans around. look for somebody emptying some shit from car window on to the street, or spitting vital nutrients from mouth, or watering the pole/wall and he's got no tail. Thats most probably somebody from that Ancient Land, nobody spoke about until Vasco de Gama.

4. Have you ever stood in a queue scratching your balls, like at the grocery store(do you seriously need a link for that?), and somebody enters and directly goes to the serving desk, giving you a invisible middle finger gesture, and you hear people next to singing "What the F****" in chorus? Thats my boy most probably a Indian.

What do you do: when you see one

Ok, so you saw one today, what next? take a picture, draw a sketch, piss you pants, run around in panic, what?

Here's what Dr. Hannibal says: Take a deep breath, 3 times or more. Don't react as if you have seen a f***ing dead man f***ing another dead man. Send me a email on id that I'm not giving out anymore, or call me on the mobile number I never give to strangers. And move on with your life, as if nothing happened.

What do you do: to avoid one

Get real man, their rate of reproduction is 10 times the rate of rabbit and 100 times the rate of rat. And very soon the entire planet is going to be ruled by them, if not ruled the at least populated. They have designed the social structure in such a way, that even if you're gay, you must procure at least 10 kids. Its more like your contribution to the specie. On top of that, the religious structure is designed in such a way that you need to give birth to at least one boy child, who will burn your dead corpse and you'll attain Nirvana (its all copied from a Holy Book).

What is Nirvana? (Separate link coming out soon) You must have heard that word a lot from from Kurt Cobain, while he was not dead. That is a state of soul you attain when you've done all the good shit possible. Its more like a contradiction in itself. John Lennon described that theory in full details in song "I'm the Walrus".

FAQ

Q 1. How come you know so much. Are you the ******* god, that everybody blames for everything?

A 1. No.

Q 1(a). Give me the details, the inside story, (I'm from BBC, covering up this story, as there nothing left to uncover anymore).

A 1(a) In any case you might think who the f*** is writing this shit up? and how come anybody's got any right to insult/praise anybody just like that. Let me inform you that the author has been studying the interesting group of people for around 28 years now, and his age is coincidentally 28 years!

Q2. Why are all the 4-letterd words starting with F, are followed with three *'s? You options are:

a) You have a great sense of humor.

b) You have a keyboard, thats once belonged to Saddam Hussain.

c) The moderators of Uncyclopedia did this to you. (I'm a Human Right activist, and I can take this as move against free spirit of thoughts and expressions, I'm the one who made Freud publish this theory "Unconscious Desires of the Phallus", here's my phone number: XXX-XXXXXX-XXX (please don't block it with X's)).

d) You imagined that, someday some kids gonna hit this page. Seriously! you thought that. ROFL.

e) None of the above (or you live in a country, where you don't have enough liberty to choose the right answer, even if somebody gives you a simple choose-one type format).

f) Contributors of wikipedia came and did this.

A 2. d

(Q 3 Isn't published, because it never hit the author's mind, that somebody can cook up such a stupid question)

(A 4 Isn't published, because the author couldn't imagine a answer for question that he couldn't imagine. But he strongly suggest you trying it on google)

Q 4. Were you on drugs, while doing this article.

A 4. No, if you take 10 cups of coffee on a sunday night at 4:00 AM as drugs.

Q 5. When you say Indian, what do you actually mean? You?

A 5. Yes.

References

[1]http://travel.nytimes.com/2007/09/23/travel/tmagazine/10well-mumbai-t.html?pagewanted=print

--Chunkyguy 22:53, January 23, 2011 (UTC)