User:Chocolatebuttons

Shrek(A variation)

There once was a girl named Helga. She was fat. And not very intelligent. She liked to eat spaghetti for lunch, face for dinner and more face for breakfast. Too bad she was ugly, so she never got FACE!!! Anyhow, by chance a contorted prince of some sort came past and asked her "Is thou a jew?" She replied ," Nay, I'm an ogre!!!" Well, actually, the story goes like this. One day there was a prince. He went bountifully into the meadows of Jew and he came across an ogre. He asked the ogre, " Ogre! Where for art thou Romeo?" and she replied," I'm a fat ogre!!" Which the prince replied," Nay, thou art a wench, a twit and a demeanor to society. Get thee to a nunnery and stay!!" The ogre replied," Jews are bountiful in your presence." The prince slapped his horse on the hiney and rode into the sunset.As he rode the ogre became depressed and began to amputate her arm and molest her thigh(with a knife). The next day the prince rode back into the meadow of jew and came across the ogre yet again, and exclaimed," Wench, where for art thou Romeo". The ogre replied," Lord, what is thy ghastly thing in your lip?" The prince replied,"SHUTUP BITCH!" and gave the ogre the most royal beatdown the prince could muster. After the beatdown the prince proceeded to teabag but was interrupted in the process by a distortling midget from Cawdor. The midget shouted,"OI CUNT, GIMME YA BIKE!!!" The prince, being noble, replied," Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna..." and he picked the midget up by the throat, stabbed him through the throat, spun him round a few times, teabagged, sung the noscope song, called the two girls one cup chicks and had a party, and then threw the midget into the sunset. He then rode into the sunset yet again. On the third day the prince was called by an unknown number. The scrapping tone of the voice ripped the princes ears to shreds.Literally. So he had to go see a surgeon and get them fixed. So he went to the witch doctor and sung that witch doctor song( y'kno the one on alvin and the chipmunks," I told the witch doctor...."). The prince then proceeded back to the field and he came across the biggest, green but apparently black, ginger monster you had ever seen. Her name was Ganon. Ganon screamed at the prince,"I love you!!" to which the prince replied," Do i know you??" Ganon replied," I am the ogre from yesterday,I have grown like a caterpillar, into a butterfly, I have been watching you whilst you eat, sleep, play and fondle yourself, and i have grown to love you more than the world's fat people love McDonalds". The prince replied," Sorry, I don't date emo's" and he rode off into the sunset, where he met some hot bitch and they got engaged. The End