User:Childfondler/sandbox

Attack on Titan

Also known to the general public as AOT, Attack on Titan is a show that gained popularity due to its advertisement of large naked men. That's basically all it's got going for it.

Plot

The show starts with a mediocre theme song. We meet an annoying prepubescent tool named Eren who experiences frequent voice cracks and really wants to die for some reason. Humanity's basically extinct and the only smart person still alive is Eren's hot adopted sister, Mikasa. Unfortunately, Mikasa is a little bit mentally challenged and all she knows how to say is "Ereh!" She's basically a jacked monster but uses her strength to do Eren's chores for him. There are a couple of branches of the military: The Scouts and the Military Police. The Scouts like to die in their free time, and the Military Police do nothing. Guess which one Eren wants to join?

Anyway, Mikasa knows his secret and snitches on him to his mom because she feels like it. Understandably, Eren's mom doesn't really want him to die because then she wouldn't have anyone to get sticks for her, so she tells him off. In response, Eren yells at his mom about challenging authority and then runs away. Here we meet Eren's femboy nerd friend named Armin who frequently gets bullied. Eren is so bad at everything that his sister has to ward off the bullies for him. Armin cries, spews statistics, cries more, tells Mikasa factoids, moans, and then yaps about these retarded man eating monsters called titans that have been held at bay by a big wall for 100 years. That's right, it's the American border wall.

Then, all of a sudden, we cut to some massive ass cheeks. Super massive ass cheeks. Like so massive they're breaking through the wall. Oh no! It's the titans! Basically Eren's mom dies and we get about seven flashbacks of this in the second episode. Eren joins the Scouts because he wants to kill titans to get revenge for his mom. Mikasa joins because she wants a chance to make out with Eren. Armin joins because he wants a chance to make out with Eren. This show is about the wacky adventures of horny preteens and a metaphor for racism!

Characters

There are a whole bunch of characters in Attack on Titan! There are no characters at the end of Attack on Titan!

Eren Jaeger Although he has millions of fangirls, not a single one of them can agree on the right way to spell his name. Eren is an emo twelve year old who can turn into an emo titan. He's not very smart.

Mikasa Ackerman The only Asian person left alive, Mikasa is in love with her brother. Her Asian mom died trying to save her white dad who also died being stabbed. Mikasa got kidnapped and Eren made the mistake of saving her, so now Mikasa thinks they're best friends and follows him around like a tumor attached to his right ass cheek.

Armin Arlerlt Whoever named this kid must have hated him. Armin is a crossdressing blonde who constantly gives his input that no one asked for. He does nothing but cry and stare longingly at Eren. His parents abandoned him to explore the world outside of the wall then died. He now lives with his grandpa who died in order for the plot to continue.

Sasha Braus An absolute girlypop slay queen, all Sasha cares about is food. She lacks any sort of smarts and nobody cares about her that much.

Connie Springer The real main character the whole time, bald and handsome. His mom is a titan and his best friend is Sasha. He's somehow still alive. Normalize being bald.

Reiner Braun A man with massive tits. He's in love with his comrade Bertholdt Hoover and he's also the armored titan. He would really like to know why Marco is dead.

Marco Bodt He is dead. Apparently no one knows why, because Reiner keeps asking.

Bertholdt Hoover Boruto is an extremely underrated character. Although he dies in the middle of the series, many people hate Burnttoast for no reason. I don't understand what Burrito ever did wrong, other than being himself (Birmingsnort).

Ymir Fritz She's lesbian and an asshole. Would do anything to save her bbg. She turns into a titan, but it's the most sad pathetic midget titan ever. Gay people need some humbling.

Historia Reiss/Christa Lenz Ymir's bbg. Also the liberal woke queen of the walls.