User:CheesyBoy/UnNews:Man chooses doughnut over manhole

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

16 May 2011

This is, where, a stupid moron went down, to get his doughnut.As if there was one.And the stupid cover was only put over the manhole after the man fell into the hole.

ROSS TOWNSHIP, United States -- A scottish man went down a manhole, was stuck, for ten hours and had to be admitted to the hospital.For a friggin doughnut.

It was 9 at night, near the McKnight Road McDonald’s restaurant where World War || veteren Scott Black, was making his daily stroll around the park and was making his way home.Then he heard the worst screams of his life.'Somewhat stuck between a can of weasels and masturbating', he commented.Anyway, he rushed to the direction of the voice and realised it was a manhole.Unfortunately, he had to step into it to realise it was one.

There was a man inside, as the evidence declares.'He was stuck pretty bad.For a pretty boy, yeah.To be honest, he was so gay I felt my nipples move, but that's not the subject.'the veteren says'his buttocks was somewhat lodged between his you-know-what(we don't) and his arms were dangling freely in the water.He was about ten feet deep down the manhole, so I had to shine a torch on him.He kinda winced hs eyes, prbably used to the dark already, and slipped another five feet down.

The veteren stated that when he asked how the man got trapped in there, the man awnsered matter-of-factly 'Doughnut stuck in hole.Go doo-doo in there.'. The veteren admitted he was terrified after hearing how moronic the man was, and he walked away.In his defence, he said that'I came back twelve hours later, only to find out he had been rescued.'.The casualty stuck in the manhole, was twenty year-old Henrich Hellen, a graduate of university.

The man, who had fallen into the manhole, was actually pusuring a doughnut.'I love doughnuts.Doo-doo them with choclolate.Saw one drop into the manhole, so wanted to get it.Doughnut must be from Ben and Jerry's.Took off my shirt, and jumped into it.the man replied with a scottish accent, stating how he ended up there.Despite requiring firemen's discovery(they coincidentally passed by the manhole on a trip to McDonald's) and their need to pull him out with a ladder.One of the Firemens stated'To be honest, he seemed quite happy in there.Was enjoying himself with the friggin doughnut while we kept on telling him how his life was at stake.His response was throwing us the doughnut.When that missed, he threw his jeans.'

Half of the injuries inflicted on him was caused because he was stuck and kept on urinating on the firemen's faces when they tried to pull him out.A sign of discomfort, wanted to show them how painful it felt.That was what the scottish man said in his defence as he shrugged .Finally, at around five in the evening, he was rescued with cuts and bruises all over.As for the police, they are still working on finding out more about the man.They are planning on charging him for unintentional assult of firemens over a doughnut.As for the doughnut, I could not find it, but rest assured I would interview the doughnut and spill the beans as soon as I find it.

Sources

• wpxi.com "Man Falls Down Man Hole; Calls 911 From Cell Phone" Wpxi, May 21, 2010