User:Cajek/UnScripts:The Fast and the Furious:Drunk Hydroplaning
the ninth in the series, has been hailed by critics such as John Lamalamadingdong of the Boise Bargain Hunter as "meh", and Thomas Whomas of the Colorado Express as "definitely worth more than a broken distributor cap." Written by the guy next door to the producer, THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS: DRUNK HYDROPLANING promises to be the most intense cinematic experience since "The Great Train Robbery"!! It explores the world of racing in the rain while drunk, and the effects on the youth of America.
Defying all rules, Chip Danger, an ex-pro circuit racer, has taken to the streets to prove to the world that he isn't a coward, that he isn't a loser, and that he isn't a coward. He's joined by Dudes A and B, two fellows who weren't important enough to have names. In his 1985 Yugo, Chip has exceeded all expectations in the drunk-in-the-rain-street-racing-circuit by winning all 333 of his challenges without getting caught. It's nearing the end of his street racing career, but there's one more bozo he has to defeat: Rodney Danger, a man out for respect on the tough streets of Toledo. It is here where this epic story of freedom, danger, excitement, romance, drinking, love, comedy, drama, horror, action, and excitement begins.
Scene 1[edit | edit source]
The camera emerges from behind a stop sign, gazing upon a dark and rainy night. We slowly creep up behind a red '85 Yugo, revving its engine.
Chip: HHHEEEYYYYY! HEEEYY, GUYYYYSSS *HIC* OVEERRR HEEERRREEE!!!!
the two gentlemen near Chip are seen covering their ears.
A: Chip, we're right here, man!
B nods.
Chip: OooOOkayyyy lissssen up. We gots us a probbblem. Its rainin' and, uh, I'm *HIC* drunk n' in a car...
A: That's how it's always been, Chip. It's been like that ever since the judge upheld your conviction.
B nods.
A glances, then nods.
Chip: I know whatyersayin! Yersayin I'ma bein' drunk! Well screw you! SCREW YER WHOLE FMAIYL!
Chip revvs up the engine. The rain is coming down hard.