User:Atomic Disturbance/WIP1

Chapter 1.

I do not own Uncyclopedia, LOL! If I did everyone would be nude HAHA! PLEASE REVIEW!

Jack was a window washer. Now one would think that a window washer would have to be a pretty interesting guy, but one would be wrong. In fact, the most interesting thing about Jack was that, in about thirty seconds, he would die. This happened as he was about to start cleaning the window of office 10 B. As he looked up there was a loud bang and, quite suddenly, there was blood on the window in front of him. And then the not-so-sagacious Jack decided the best thing to do was to step back. All that took 25 seconds exactly. It took a further 5 seconds for him to hit the ground.

Kent drove a convertible. It had a top speed of 210 Kilometers per hour and right at that moment was doing 90. It had leather interiors and a wooden dashboard. It had a jack in the boot. Which was quite ironic because there would be a Jack in front of it quite soon. Yes Kent was surprised to see a body fall from the sky. So surprised, in fact, that he jerked the steering wheel to the right. Now, although Kent did miss Jack, he didn't miss the telephone booth on the side of the road.

Sarah was a woman. I'd like to say more about her, but that could make the story less interesting. One thing that I might tell you is that her phone rang exactly 15 seconds after Kent did his little maneuver. As her sweaty palm picked it up she immediately heard a very evil voice say: “We know, we'll make another plan.”

Dick was a dick. But it was on the fateful day that one of his trusted employees died that he considered being a nicer person. He knocked on the door in front of him. “Hey, Bill?” he called.
“Uh, yes sir?” a meek reply came.
Bill cautiously entered the dreary room.
“Did you let the detectives in?” Dick asked.
“Yes sir! And I made sure office 10 B was unlocked too!”
“Good, good. Listen, take this reward for your good service,” Dick said as he produced 100 dollars from his wallet and offered it to Bill, “and take the rest of the day off too.”
“Really sir?”
“Yes, really”
A suddenly excited Bill took his bill and left the room. Dick just stood there. He kind of felt fuzzy inside. He was also $100 poorer.
“Totally not fucking worth it at all,” he said out loud.

Henry was a stereotypical cop. He sure loved his doughnughts and this was most noticeable when he stood up after examining the body. It took quite a bit of effort and when he finally was upright, he was practically panting. “Well it's obviously suicide. Poor bastard didn't even last three months,” he said.
“To be honest, neither would I,” said Joan, his partner. Their relationship was completely professional, of course, but, as a fan service, I will say that Joan was one of the sexiest women in the police force. Mind you these things work better on a television series, don't they?
“I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for this,” Henry said with a sigh.
“Well yes, if you were better at doing your job you could have saved two lives,” Joan said, “three if you count the window washer.”
“Joan, shot your fuck up!”
“I'm just saying....”