User:Another n00b/Not foodles
Not foodles is a tasteless alternative to food in FIVE unappetizing flavours. They are normally eaten by people who are hungry but don't want the inconvenience of eating food, or those too poor to purchase potatoes. It is produced by Unilever, but made by Mexicans hundreds of miles away on minimum wage.
Note foodles are on sale at petrol stations, newsagents and larger branches of Halfords.
Notable flavours include nihilist flavour, Bland 'n' spicy flavour, Poisonous chemical flavour, Boiling water flavour and NEW Rubber 'n' sand flavour.
It is mostly recognised for it's simplicity, with producer Spunchax famously admitting they 'put absolutely disgusting chemicals all over noodles, put them in a tiny pot and then charge full price.'
In order to prepare your Not foodles: simply add boiling water, leave for 3 minutes, then poke disinterestedly with a fork.
Background[edit | edit source]
Since It's creation in 1977, it has achieved fame for it's notability in the "ramen-style noodles in a cup" market and has received much recognition for it's Strange ingredients.
Not foodles are exactly what it says on the tin, or rather the pot - noodles in a pot. However, it is note-worthy that unlike what it says on the cup it has almost no nutritional value. They are particually popular in countries who have suffered nuclear war as it has enough chemical rubbish on it to make it last 10 years in a fallout shelter. (Consumers are recommended not to read the label).
Counterfeit Not Noodles are common, as it is essentially nothing more than noodles in a cup (Albeit high-in-fat, Viagra flavoured noodles). There are many, many, many bootlegs, Though there is no need to worry as it can't contain anything worse than what is already there.
They are not only available to purchase in poorly maintained petrol stations, but have been found outside of many bedrooms while a would-be daddy and a would-be mommy love each other very much.... ...Weather it's more Devious uses is the cause of this is likely, however this is, or at least should not be the case as it's ingredients are actually left over chemicals from Niagra, a type of laxative used to sterilise Elephants.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
For those of you who haven't had the pain of eating one, it completes the "On the dole" look quite perfectly. It is almost philosophical in it's crapness, that involves searching for reason within it's dark, dank nutritional contents. Any attempt at description which tries to make it look a lot better than it is, would be a convoluted and difficult process. Their have been unsuccessful attempts to sell of these noodles in a pot, aimed at trying the "Lie as much as possible" approach. After a short call with the Advertising standards agency reassures you that there will not be another one.
Following this disastorous ploy, it was found that the contents of the pot could practically last forever. As such, There are millions of disgusting cups of garbage resting in the ground somewhere, while the company went under.